OTTAWA – A third booster shot of the COVID-19 vaccine has been approved by Health Canada for use on all sheeple and government simps over the age of 18.
“At this time the booster is recommended for all sheeple and government simps over 18,” Health Canada’s representative Rupi Singh said at a presser for the lamestream media this week. “This includes all betas, cucks, SJWs, and those who voted anything but PPC in the last election.”
Under the new approval, libs and feminazis will be eligible to book their booster appointments six months after the first shot that immediately inflicted them with known vaccine side effects like myocarditis, hair loss, horse blood, and vampirism. Currently the portal only supports bookings from pinkos over 70 or meeks with immune illnesses, but availability is expected to open up sometime in the new year, after JFK Jr. rises from the dead and leads God Emperor Trump back into the White House on the back of a bald eagle.
Health Canada’s booster rollout has been in development for a while now – some say since COVID was first created in the lab by Dr. Fauci himself – and they’re thrilled to finally unveil their grand plan.
“A vocal minority of paranoid Canadians uncovered our scheme to pump their peers with endless vaccine doses to make the population magnetic, submissive, and breedable,” Singh continued. “It’s such a thrill to finally speak plainly, validating scientific luminaries like Chris Sky, Ezra Levant, Keean Bexte, and anonymous Facebook Page moderators from coast to coast.”
Why did approval take so long? The answer is simple.
“Our external consultant, Q, stopped answering his emails for a second there, so we didn’t know whether or not infecting the country’s commies with microchips was a go,” explained Singh. “Turns out we were just in Junk Mail because of our side hustle, selling fake boner pills, and the time is actually nigh for poisoning the lefties. What a relief!”
While at a glance this policy may sound racist against white people, Health Canada clarified that they won’t be censoring the vaccine rollout. Post Millennial staffers and members of the Trumpire are eligible for the shot as well… If they really want it.
“Blackpilled incels, repentant Chads, and MGTOW are also welcome to the shot if they want really huge balls and a broken dick,” Singh added with a laugh. “But you should talk to your pastor or Joe Rogan first.”