News in Photos...
Trudeau promises that Canada will only be under the Emergencies Act for as long as trucks exist
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is uncertain when and if the Emergencies Act will ever be lifted as long as Canada, and Ottawa in particular, remains under threat due to the continued exi...
Local media outlet running out of privileged people who’ve made the most of COVID to interview
YOUR TOWN ― After featuring dozens of stories about those who moved to their cottage, started a lucrative TikTok channel, or otherwise benefited from a deadly disease, your local newspaper is dealing ...
New York Times reports “Prime Minister Bonhomme orders Mounties to open fire on protestors in Celine Dion Square”
NEW YORK – Following this week’s police action in the capital city, the New York Times has reported that Canada’s head of state, the honorable Prime Minister Bonhomme, declared martial law and o...
Police worried crackdowns on convoys will hinder their ability to recruit from the lunatic fringe
OTTAWA – Police departments across Canada are concerned that their mild efforts to arrest the anti-vaccine and anti-government protesters who’ve disrupted Canadian society for the last three wee...
Jailed Ottawa protestors offer to co-run prison with warden
OTTAWA, ON – Several arrested protestors from the downtown occupation have offered to co-run the prison where they are being held. The prisoners have released a “Declaration of Understanding Mem...
Person who does not live in Ottawa sympathizes with protesters
UXBRIDGE, ON – A non-Ottawa resident is calling on police to stop the removal of Freedom Convoy protesters currently occupying downtown Ottawa. In a 500 word Facebook post, Ann Martin of Uxbridg...
Family of NFT enthusiast just wish he’d go back to cult
VANCOUVER – Family members of Adam Newsom, 27, have reportedly become nostalgic for the days when all he talked about was his cult, as opposed to his current obsession of NFTs. “I remember when ...
“Thank Christ, we needed this” says nation
BEIJING – The Canadian women’s hockey team has won the Olympic gold medal, prompting an exhausted nation to declare “Holy fucking shit, thank you.” “Between two and a half years of COVID and all these...
