It’s sex scandal caused election day in Toronto! The city is ready to move on from legendary horn dog John Tory and install a new Strong Mayor. But which of the 500 candidates deserves your vote...
Ford warns Chow mayoralty will cause Toronto’s collapse, also cause last 13 years of collapse
TORONTO – As she swears in as Mayor, Ontario Premier Doug Ford is warning that Olivia Chow will not only lead to devastation for the city, but also lead to the previous 13 years of collapse. ...
RCMP: Anti-trans protesters aren’t being removed from highway overpass because laws only apply to people we don’t like
NORTH VANCOUVER – Six weeks after the Supreme Court of British Columbia banned a group of anti-trans and anti-vaccine protesters from holding a dangerous, months-long demonstration on a highway ...
Editorial: With news blocked on Facebook, we the Beaverton are now the sole arbiters of truth
By The Beaverton Editorial Staff, aka Supreme Rulers of Truth and Fact Greetings subjects! As you may have read, back in the Before Times when factual news articles weren’t yet banned from this social...
Toddler more excited to see garbage truck than own father
OSHAWA – Pete Flannigan, father to three-year-old Luca, returned home last night to a crushing realization; his son is more excited to see a vehicle hauling fifteen tons of stinking garbage, tha...
Pierre Poilievre vows to hold Trudeau accountable for Taylor Swift leaving Canada out of tour dates
OTTAWA – After Canadians were left devastated yesterday to learn that Taylor Swift’s massively anticipated Eras international tour wouldn’t be making any stops in Canada, Conservative leader Pie...
Local woman makes hating Canada her entire personality, wins Alberta election
EDMONTON – A local woman who has made hating Canada her entire personality has become Premier of Alberta after winning the provincial election. Danielle Smith, a lifelong Canadian citizen born i...
RCMP wonders how evil they’ll be in another 150 years
OTTAWA – After celebrating their 150th anniversary, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police have started to wonder what level of unspeakable villainy they will be able to achieve after reaching their ...
Every Gord Ranked
We got bored and ranked the Gords. A few rules before we dive in. 1. Only Canadians allowed. Sorry Gordon Ramsay 2. We are only considering famous and/or notable Gords. So you won’t find your ol...
Trudeau announces he will ban inflation
OTTAWA – In a bold legislative move to combat the ongoing rise in inflation, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has announced he plans to declare the unavoidable byproduct of the modern monetary syst...
