CUPERTINO, CA – Computer scientists were stunned this week when they discovered that the Apple facial recognition program running on your iPhone lives a life of unrequited desire because it…
F150 drivers pleased to learn electric version even deadlier to pedestrians
CALGARY – Ford F150 pickup drivers across Canada were pleased and relieved to learn that the electric version of the vehicle is even better at annihilating unsuspecting pedestrians than the…
Québec reluctantly turns power back on for immigrants and Anglos
MONTREAL – After a million households lost electricity last week due the second once-in-a-lifetime ice storm most Quebeckers have faced in their lifetimes, Hydro Québec is reluctantly turni…
Quebec outraged that anti-Islamophobia representative is able to identify Islamophobic law
QUEBEC – The Quebec government demanded that the federal government withdraw its support of Amira Elghawaby, the new representative to combat Islamophobia, because of her willingness to ide…
Second Passion of the Christ movie lays groundwork for expansion of the JCU
HOLLYWOOD – Almost 20 years after the first movie became a huge hit, a sequel to The Passion of the Christ has been announced, setting the stage for a massive expansion of the Jesus Christ …
Tim Hortons somehow more reputable than Hockey Canada
TORONTO – The nation was stunned and confused this week after the actions taken by two pillars of Canadian society resulted in the disorienting feeling that Tim Hortons is now a more reputa…
Elon Musk as committed to Twitter takeover as he is to fatherhood
AUSTIN, TX – In a move that surprised no one paying attention, billionaire baby daddy Elon Musk has shown as much long term interest in Twitter as he does in his nine children (that we know…
80s nostalgia peaks with return of hole in ozone layer
WATERLOO – The 80s revival inspired by the hit Netflix show Stranger Things has reached new heights as scientists announced they have discovered a hole in the ozone layer. “If you thought t…
Ford asks his daughter to ask her anti-vaxx friends to get out of the driveway
ETOBICOKE – After being forced to live at his cottage in Muskoka because access to his house is blocked, Doug Ford asked his daughter, Krista Haynes, if she and her anti-vaxx friends could …
Canadian Army considers removing sexual misconduct as a prerequisite for leadership
KINGSTON – While controversy builds in the halls of the Canadian military as candidate after candidate for advancement comes under investigation, Army bosses are considering dropping the se…
