TORONTO – The nation was stunned and confused this week after the actions taken by two pillars of Canadian society resulted in the disorienting feeling that Tim Hortons is now a more reputa…
Elon Musk as committed to Twitter takeover as he is to fatherhood
AUSTIN, TX – In a move that surprised no one paying attention, billionaire baby daddy Elon Musk has shown as much long term interest in Twitter as he does in his nine children (that we know…
80s nostalgia peaks with return of hole in ozone layer
WATERLOO – The 80s revival inspired by the hit Netflix show Stranger Things has reached new heights as scientists announced they have discovered a hole in the ozone layer. “If you thought t…
Ford asks his daughter to ask her anti-vaxx friends to get out of the driveway
ETOBICOKE – After being forced to live at his cottage in Muskoka because access to his house is blocked, Doug Ford asked his daughter, Krista Haynes, if she and her anti-vaxx friends could …
Canadian Army considers removing sexual misconduct as a prerequisite for leadership
KINGSTON – While controversy builds in the halls of the Canadian military as candidate after candidate for advancement comes under investigation, Army bosses are considering dropping the se…
Delta variant excited to vote for Maxime Bernier
North Bay, ON – While making a pre-election tour in communities as far away from non-white Canadians as possible, Maxime Bernier gained an early endorsement when the Covid Delta variant exp…
Trudeau frustrated that now he has to govern rather than just look good in comparison
OTTAWA – Aides report that, in the light of Joe Biden becoming president of the United States, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is growing frustrated that he is now expected to actually govern…
Quebec homeless required to find homes by 8pm every day
QUEBEC – Premier François Legault announced that as part of the new pandemic curfew starting in Quebec, all homeless people will be required to find homes by 8pm every evening. “We need the…
Cop wears internal thoughts on the outside
TORONTO – A Toronto police officer seen with a patch featuring the symbol of Marvel’s The Punisher on his uniform while at a traffic safety news conference was only wearing his intern…
Students spend first day back decorating body bags for grandparents
MISSISSAUGA – In a back to school activity designed to teach about actions having consequences, students spent the afternoon decorating body bags for their grandparents. The art activity wa…