QUEBEC CITY – Career politician Pierre Poilievre, excited a handful of members of a captive audience with an impromptu in-flight announcement as though he were a member of the flight crew, which is as close to having a real world job as he has ever been.
“Who’s ready for more slogans from me?” intoned Poilievre over the airplane PA to a smattering of applause. “Who’s ready for a bag of peanuts? Who’s ready to put their seat in an upright position?”
“He captivated me with his squinty-eyed gaze and nasal delivery,” said passenger Lisa Barnet, a Conservative delegate whose job is dependent upon supporting Poilievre. “When he talked about common sense, I didn’t think about the Mike Harris disaster in Ontario. I thought about Euro-centric dog whistles.”
“I really liked the part where he talked about housing,” said delegate Bill Davidson. “He knows a lot about getting extra houses from the government, like the one he lives in on the taxpayer dime.”
After doing a real job for five-ish minutes Poilievre collapsed in exhaustion and demanded his staff bring him a Fresca.
Poilievre, whose non-governmental CV is thinner than his veneer of empathy for voters, is popular among people who work hard every day to put money into a pension that won’t support them in old age – despite the fact that he qualified for a parliamentary pension at age 32. However, he is used to being a living contradiction as the married father of two gives off heavy incel energy.