LETHBRIDGE, AB – After moving into their dream house in Lethbridge, Alberta the family of Tom and Christie Miller have reported hearing “weird” noises and seeing glimpses of a wispy, transp…
Eighteen-year-old finally mature enough to vote against self-interest
KINGSTON — Having reached the age of eighteen, local man Blake Thompson is reportedly thrilled to at last be old enough to vote in a way that will decrease opportunities and benefits for him now …
Starbucks to add coffee large enough for customers to climb inside, immerse selves, forget everything
SEATTLE – Starbucks has announced the addition of a new beverage size to the Starbucks menu, one that is large enough for customers to scale, climb inside, and forget everything happening i…
Local woman super pumped to carry La Senza bag on subway
TORONTO — Local woman Chelsea Burney told reporters that she was “really looking forward” to carrying a 14 by 22-inch bag bearing the highly recognizable logo of women’s lingerie store La Senza o…
Dad not too keen on sushi
OAKVILLE—Witnesses are reporting that despite being open to it if others feel strongly about it, Dad is not incredibly keen on going to the nearby sushi restaurant favored by his family. “It’s ju…
Panicked nation realizes it exhausted supply of Donald Trump jokes in 2012
WASHINGTON – Comedy experts have been placed on red alert following the surprise candidacy announcement of Donald Trump, upon whom America depleted its entire stockpile of Trump-related jok…
Pan Am Games rebrands as ‘World Cup’ to boost interest
TORONTO—Just two weeks before the opening of the 2015 Pan American games in Toronto, organizers have unveiled a new marketing strategy designed to generate greater interest in the games by re-nam…
Red-haired woman bragging about how easily she sunburns for some reason
VANCOUVER — Attendees of a local barbecue report that a red-haired woman is talking animatedly about how easily she gets sunburned, for reasons that cannot be determined by anyone at the scene or…
Man pretty sure thank-you card for Christmas gift will make things worse at this point
MISSISSAUGA — Local man James Redwy told reporters yesterday that despite “really wanting” to send a thank-you note to his aunt Susan for the sweater she gave him for Christmas, at this point it’…
Valentine’s Day was invented by corporations trying to sell more Torque Aquiline Sexbots
By: Hank Egelman Valentine’s day is a Christian tradition first celebrated in the 17th century in honour of a martyred saint killed by beheading. But since then, it’s morphed from a simple religi…
