NEW YORK — In an interview yesterday with CNN’s Anderson Cooper, Melania Trump sought to calm public concern about her husband’s attitude toward sexual assault by reminding voters that he has the…
Wedding guests unsure if centerpieces supposed to look like dicks
MILTON—Guests at the wedding of Tom Maston and Sarah Croft have begun to experience genuine confusion about whether or not the cactus and limonium centerpieces are intentionally designed to resem…
Amazing! After 17-year legal battle, genie who wrote “Genie in a Bottle” finally receives royalties
Good News Alert! After fighting for almost two decades, Jehosophine Nin, the unknown creator behind Christina Aguilera’s “Genie in a Bottle,” has finally been awarded an order for royalties…
Woman’s personal brand revamped to appeal to 18-25 demographic
VANCOUVER—Representatives for Tracy Henderson have confirmed that 29-year old graphic designer’s personal brand will be undergoing an “exciting new evolution” to help it re-center it’s appeal wit…
All I want is to have a real conversation about rape without taking responsibility for my words or actions
By: Your Facebook Friend Hi all. I’ve been thinking about a subject that’s been in the news a lot lately: sexual assault. It might be a little touchy for some people, but that doesn’t mean we sho…
Dog wearing kerchief thinks he’s so fucking cool
Guelph–Witnesses in the area have reported the presence of a dog wearing an orange bandana around his neck who seems to think he’s some real hot shit. The dog, Max, who onlookers speculate …
Trump promises working class voters he will build an even more marginalized group
CLEVELAND – About to accept his party’s nomination for President, Donald Trump assured a crowd of cheering supporters that if elected, he would create an ethnic/sociological group that was…
Modern day Rosa Parks refuses to give up blasting music on bus
VANCOUVER – Local man Kyle Seinkowiecz, 23, is being hailed as a modern day Rosa Parks after bravely refusing—despite all of his society’s disapproval—to turn down his headphones whil…
Justin Trudeau excited to teach Hillary Clinton about feminism
OTTAWA—In the wake of Hillary Clinton’s success in clinching the democratic nomination for President, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is reportedly “very much looking forward” to discussing his cel…
Woman braces for barrage of street harassment think pieces
VANCOUVER — As warmer weather approaches and fashions become more revealing, women across the country have begun grudgingly preparing themselves for an increase in street harassment opinion piece…
