NEW YORK CITY — Reports have confirmed that at approximately 12:03 AM eastern time, just after the last of the servants had gone to bed, First Lady Melania Trump was seen whispering gentle words …
Black Lives Matter’s rhetoric too divisive says man calling Trump Hitler
TORONTO—Seated with a group of friends over brunch earlier this week, local man Tim Edwards was seen ruefully explaining how Black Lives Matter Toronto’s rhetoric has gotten too hyperbolic, espec…
Kevin O’Leary wears disguise to volunteer at soup kitchen without attracting attention
RED DEER – Sources have confirmed that businessman and Conservative leadership frontrunner Kevin O’Leary donned a disguise so that he could serve underprivileged people without calling atte…
Rumours resurface of Louis C.K. cornering women, forcing them to watch ‘Horace & Pete’
TORONTO — In the wake of Louis C.K.’s record-breaking stand-up comedy tour, which included a recent performance at the ACC, ugly rumours have resurfaced involving the beloved comedian exploiting …
Ultra-hip new restaurant revealed to be just stalled escalator
TORONTO—An “amazing” new restaurant which has been delighting patrons since its surprise opening two weeks ago has been revealed to be merely a stalled escalator in the middle of a downtown comme…
5 Reasons Love Actually is a feminist masterpiece, as well as a Coded Map to Zorboth, the Intergalactic Shadow Realm
Christmastime is almost upon us, and if you’re like us, it’s time to get ready to re-watch Love Actually. The only downside of loving this British romantic comedy is how much flack it will get yo…
Scientists: Everything in nature smells and feels weird and you should just stay inside
OTTAWA—Top scientists at the Wildlife & Nature Research Institute are now advising members of the public that despite previous statements made by experts extolling the wonder and majesty of t…
Woman tears up at wedding photo capturing moment where her arms looked thin
CALGARY—Local woman Maura Lessing has reportedly experienced a special and life-affirming moment after looking at a photo from her wedding taken at exactly the moment her arms looked very thin. “…
5 sexy joke Halloween costumes to spark an evening of ironic intercourse
Halloween. Pumpkins. Candy. Fun parties. And sex you as woman would otherwise feel shame for seeking out. Check out our Halloween guide below to make your perfect costume for trick-or-treating yo…
EDITORIAL: I wouldn’t mind cyclists if they weren’t so smug about getting maimed and killed
By Herb Fentle Look, cyclists are fine. I get it, you want to exercise, and do it in a way that everyone can see you do it. And you want to make it very clear to the street that you really care a…
