Calgary, Alberta – Alberta Premier Danielle Smith has made headlines after stating that Canada has some of the lowest living standards in the world thanks mostly to her time in office.
“I expect some recognition and appreciation,” exclaimed Smith in a recent press conference. “It’s hard enough to get people to outright refuse life-saving medicine, but asking people who just lost their homes for an apology and spreading measles in Alberta are just some of the many gifts I have bestowed on this once beautiful country.”
Smith often brags about several initiatives she has overseen to achieve her party’s goals such as ignoring the recycling and compost bins, sending coffee grinds down the sink, and requiring drivers to use two spots instead of one.
Danielle Smith has found popularity among voters who just want Canada to get worse. Running on a “everything should suck” message, she has amassed a large base of support from celebrities who hate Canada like Ben Shapiro, Donald Trump, and Lex Luthor.
“Nothing makes people more aware of the preciousness of life than a low mortality rate,” exclaimed Smith from a video feed from her lair within an active volcano. “Pain builds character, and people have gotten too safe and healthy in this country.”
Smith has announced her next steps to plunge Canada into true darkness is to block out the sun, make highways have a minimum speed of 200 kilometers per hour, and kidnap 101 dalmatians to make a fur coat.
