TORONTO – Summer is in full swing, and as is customary, multiple locals have set out to try and acquire the rarest of rare humans- a white friend with a cottage who also likes food to be ad…
Tag: Cottage
Man who inherited Muskoka cottage shares opinion on land sovereignty
Muskoka, ON – Seasonal resident, David Lyons who inherited a million dollar Muskoka cottage, has an opinion on Indigenous land sovereignty. “It doesn’t make sense,” began a 60 year old Lyon…
Woman’s retirement plan crumbles after she accounts for living, laughing, but not loving
TORONTO – In a horrifying discovery yesterday, Kimberly Atkinson’s meticulously-researched retirement plans were torn apart after the 33 year-old interior designer realized that she had painstaki…
Doug Ford announces he couldn’t participate in online Pride since he was already logged onto a virtual cottage
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford explained to his constituents Monday that he was not able to participate in the online Pride Parade this weekend since he had pre-existing plans to log onto a …
Man who has barely left basement apartment in months really enjoying his rich friends’ cottage photos
TORONTO – Local man Jerome Wittels has been housebound in his 300 sq. foot basement apartment since the COVID-19 pandemic lockdown began, but says he is getting quite a lot of enjoyment see…
Study shows that most fathers simply long to be given the beat, boys
CLEVELAND, OH – After a comprehensive four decade long study, scientists at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame’s research wing have conclusively determined that most fathers value being given…
Campfire smell lingers into third day
PETERBOROUGH, ON – The distinct smell of charcoal and woodsmoke continues to linger around an Ontario family three full days after returning from a weekend camping trip. “I didn’t mind the …
Local man reconnects with cottage owning friend every year about this time
TORONTO – Local resident Michael Soplinka, 28, has once again used the month of June to get in touch with his ‘lifelong’ friend Eric Gaston, whose family happens to own a cottage on Georgia…
Leaving early enough to beat cottage traffic making local dad so fucking wet
OAKVILLE – This morning Chet Billingsley, a local father of three, organized his family into a 5:30 a.m. departure from their home in order to avoid cottage country traffic. As a result of this s…
How to Get Invited to a Cottage
Only one week left to get that invite!…