Rob Ford fired by high school, forced to fall back on mayoral gig
TORONTO – After being let go from his dream job coaching the Don Bosco Eagles, local man Robert Ford has been forced to rely on his secondary source of income as mayor of the City of Toront…
Community to clean up city hall by giving money to crack dealer
TORONTO – In an unprecedented use of the crowdfunding site Indiegogo the city of Toronto has come together to obtain the video evidence necessary to undo the humiliation caused by the democ…
Ontario narrowly averts sobriety crisis
TORONTO – A last minute deal between the Ontario Public Service Employees Union (OPSEU) and the Liquor Control Board of Ontario (LCBO) averting a strike that would have prevented Ontarians …
Canadian TV execs can’t wait to cancel this year’s original programming
TORONTO – Canadian TV executives are very excited to once again greenlight, produce, and cancel this year’s original programming, inside sources report. “Crushing the dreams of Canadian art…
Chief Blair: Agent Ford successfully infiltrates drug ring
TORONTO – Calling to an end an elaborate three-year undercover operation, Toronto police chief Bill Blair announced today that special agent Rob Ford has uncovered a major drug ring in the city&#…
Mike Duffy returns to political broadcasting with scandalous story about Senator Duffy
OTTAWA – Embattled Senator Mike Duffy has made a return to his former career after resigning from the Conservative caucus to report a scandalous story about himself. “As a journalist, I had to br…
Canadian actor achieves realistic life goal by booking Tim Hortons commercial
TORONTO – 33-year-old Canadian actor David Allister reached his realistic life goal earlier this week when he was booked for a spot on a Tim Hortons commercial. The 30-second ad features Al…
Hadfield comes home to $1.37 million Rogers phone bill
KAZAKHSTAN – After five months in space, Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield was shocked to discover his cell phone provider has charged him well over a million dollars for data usage and roaming c…
Everything just too soon for local man after Leafs’ loss
TORONTO – After the Leafs’ loss in game 7 overtime, local man Tate Rae has told family and friends that he needs time to come to terms with the life-shattering event. “It just doesn’t seem …
Local mom spends Mother’s Day hoping son forgets to call
REGINA, SK – Greeting card writer and longtime mother, Cindy Watros, spent much of her Mother’s Day, the annual event in which children express gratitude for all their mothers have done for…
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