Michael Hastings dies in car crash
Journalist Michael Hastings sent worried emails about federal authorities investigating him and needing to go “off the radar” to cover a “big story” hours before dying in a car crash. What’s your…
Harper on Alberta floods: ‘Don’t worry, the oil is okay’
CALGARY – Prime Minister Stephen Harper reassured Canadians yesterday that Alberta’s most important natural resource, oil, had escaped significant damage from the flash floods that ha…
BREAKING: The Beaverton Live! plays tonight!
For show details visit our Facebook event page: The Beaverton Live! Purchase tickets in advance from Brown Paper Tickets.…
WEATHER ADVISORY: Municipal corruption front moves eastward
If you reside in Québec or the Maritime provinces, it’s time to take out your windbreaker and check your umbrella for crooked spokes, because a large air mass of civic malfeasance is moving…
Red and black ants engaged in racial war
Wascana Park, Regina – What started out as a dispute over a fallen popsicle, has now turned into a full fledged race war between the red ants of the community garden and the black ants of t…
Police arrest Montréal mayor for being short on police bribes
MONTRÉAL – Montréal’s mayor Michael Applebaum was apprehended this morning after falling short on his kickbacks to the police. “We gave him 24 hours to come up with more money” said Chief Inspect…
A day of reckoning will come for the tyrants at Douglas Mini-Putt and Go-Kart Track
By Mitch Clattenberg Brothers and Sisters; hark and listen as the glorious flutes of liberty herald the sacred ballet of popular uprising! We must cast off the shackles of servitude and bathe in …
Local man fired for accidentally dressing like a pirate
HALIFAX – The unfortunate coincidence of laundry day with casual friday has left local man Derek Hines out of work and unwittingly dressed as a buccaneer. “I didn’t really have any clean cl…
Werner Herzog signs on to direct The Hangover pt. IV
LOS ANGELES – Despite being known as a documentarian and art-house cinema producer, German filmmaker Werner Herzog has signed on to direct the latest installment of the Hangover franchise. …
Uncle Ben’s white rice confuses local racist
ETOBICOKE – Six weeks ago, 56-year old racist Stan Youngson became puzzled by a bag of Uncle Ben’s White Rice at a local No Frills, and has been struggling with it ever since. “I just can’t…
