Mayor Ford unveils bold new double vision for Toronto
TORONTO – Hoping to build momentum and political capital in the new year, Mayor Rob Ford recently unveiled his new double vision plan for the city. “We’re gonna totally end this fucking gravy tra…
15-page paper apparently the only thing in local student’s life
TORONTO – Recent reports from concerned friends and family have confirmed that the entirety of UofT student Kelly Statler’s existence is evidently now being taken up by a 15-page paper on s…
Federal Budget 2013: A Closer Look
How will the Harper Government balance the budget in the next 10 years? The chart is interactive. Try mousing over the slices or legend entries.…
Antitrust Investigation reveals Westboro Baptist Church actually a subsidiary of Disney
ORLANDO – A recent investigation by the US Department of Justice has revealed that the deplorable hate group known as the “Westboro Baptist Church” is a wholly-owned subsidiary of the marginally …
China finds Keystone XL environmental worries ‘Adorable’
BEIJING – The Keystone Pipeline, which is proposed to deliver crude oil from the Athabasca oil sands region in Alberta, Canada to Illinois, Oklahoma and the gulf coast of Texas, has been th…
Hyphen fails to become dash
TORONTO – While working late into the evening on an overdue philosophy essay using Microsoft Word, university student Michael Stefanescu’s hyphen failed to become a dash. “Lette…
BREAKING: Bonhomme announces bid for Bloc Québécois leadership
QUEBEC CITY – With his formal duties as the mascot for Quebec’s Winter Carnaval 2013 complete, Bonhomme Carnaval (Good Man Carnival) has announced his next move will be a bid for the Bloc Q…
Marc Garneau blames defeat in Liberal Leadership race on Chris Hadfield
OTTAWA – Marc Garneau told reporters Monday that the reason he was not able to capture the public’s attention during his bid for Liberal leadership is because current International Space St…
