OTTAWA – Shortly after welcoming his friend Jack from Australia into his home, local man Stephen Christie found himself unable to properly satisfy his visitors’ many questions about Quebec and i...
Slightly too many chicken wings consumed
TORONTO- Disaster struck a local half-price wing night when local “wingthusiast” Lindsey Sarpedelli ordered a second pound of chicken wings and wound up feeling “a little bit bloated and a lot betraye...
Porn star degrades herself by running for Toronto mayor
TORONTO – Friends and family of adult film star Nikki Benz find themselves at a loss to explain the actress’ baffling decision to debase herself by running in the upcoming Toronto mayoral election. “I...
City of Montreal ramps up Eurotrash collection for Grand Prix Weekend
MONTREAL — In order to prevent excess pollution to the downtown area, the City of Montreal has ramped up its Eurotrash collection service for the Canadian Grand Prix weekend. “Every year at this time,...
Misinformed Canadian high school students remember Canada’s sacrifice on Vietnam beach
HALTON – A group of misinformed high school students are commemorating the contributions Canadian soldiers they didn’t actually make on the shores of a beach in Vietnam some seventy years ago to...
Staunch New Democrat to vote Liberal again
TORONTO – Despite considering himself a strong supporter of the New Democratic Party, local voter Jason Poulos plans to cast his ballot for the Liberals in the upcoming election, as he has in ev...
Local man sits doing nothing while phone charges
HAMILTON, ON – Local man Ian Barslow sat in a chair for 40-minutes doing absolutely nothing while he waited for his iPhone battery to charge, sources at an open house reported yesterday. “He jus...
Local ant farm bought out by agribusiness
CAPE BRETON, NS – Tragedy struck Nova Scotia today, as one of the last locally owned agricultural sites in the province, an ant farm owned by 11-year-old Billy Lawson, was bought out by agribusi...
Local man underestimates temperature of dumpling
WINKLER, MN – Incorrectly thinking that he had let it sit on his plate for a long enough time, Winkler resident Fred Collins was burned by a pork dumpling at dinnertime. “I was hungry, and I thought i...
Prom night ruined by expectations
NATIONAL – Teenagers everywhere are reporting that their local high school proms have been completely ruined by expectations built up over years of movies, television and their own lack of under...
