Hell via Des Moines, Iowa – Earlier today, Satan, the Lord of Darkness, officially rejected endorsements from “shitty” metal bands, who constantly praise Him in their lyrics. The Dev...
October 20, 1970: FLQ cell requires Bescherelle to write this week’s ransom note
MONTREAL – Members of the Front de libération du Québec ‘Liberation Cell’ were forced to use a Bescherelle after struggling with their French grammar writing their weekly ransom note “Is the sen...
Canada to politely bomb ISIS
KUWAIT CITY – After receiving parliamentary approval to conduct airstrikes in Iraq, Canada’s CF-18s will bombard ISIS targets in a friendly and polite manner. “We know that ISIS poses a signific...
ISIS recruitment campaign targets angry gamers with promise of real life war on women
SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Following the GamerGate controversy and the use of online bullying and threats of violence against female game makers and journalists, ISIS has begun seeking recruits in the...
Bored guy could eat
VANCOUVER – After nearly three hours of aimlessly wandering around, local dude Adrian Lemmoux had it apparent that he could munch on something. “I mean, I did just have that roast beef sandwich ...
Kilometres wide power outage in downtown Calgary affects dozens
CALGARY – An electrical fire in the power grid plunged dozens of blocks in the heart of Calgary into total darkness over the weekend, causing significant inconvenience and uncertainty for the ne...
Dog suspiciously upbeat at owner’s funeral
BARRIE- Friends and family of recently deceased Toronto resident Alan March have reported that his pet labrador retriever Buddy seemed strangely cheerful at March’s funeral two days ago. “I expected h...
University freshman looking forward to seeing family, dumping Jenny for Thanksgiving
OTTAWA – First year Carleton University business student Michael Fairburn is excited to return to his hometown of Barrie to see his family for Thanksgiving and to break the heart of his high sch...
Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews
Name: Acadia University Nickname: Itsy-Bitsy Teeny-Weeny Yellow Polka-Dot University Motto: “Please do not force us leave our homes” (In use since the 1700s) History: Acadia University was founded in...
5 Thanksgiving recipes guaranteed to make you forget your disintegrating family
1) Five boxes of wine If you want to take a traditional route, don’t bother with carbs or industrial chemicals, and enjoy the elegant simplicity that is five boxes (or about 120 cups) of wine. ...
