OTTAWA – At a press conference today, the Prime Minister announced plans to begin fast-tracking refugee applications from any and all Syrian refugees who can prove they’ve never visited the Midd...
Awareness campaign successfully increases awareness
TORONTO – A month-long awareness raising campaign reached its goal of spreading awareness this morning. “Thanks to all our amazing sponsors, staff and incredible volunteers, our ‘Hope for Tomorr...
Thank you mom and dad for letting me follow your version of my dream
By Alexander Botschinsky Today I want to thank you Mom and Dad, for the support you’ve given me throughout my life, and for letting me follow all of my dreams, goals and passions in a way that confor...
White cop shoots black cop, claims victim was armed
KANSAS CITY – In yet another example of police violence against young black males, K.C. Police Officer Rodney Winthrop shot and killed 28 year old African American Jimmy Sinclair on Sunday after...
World’s major deities mutually agree to give up on humans and try luck with different species
THE HEAVENS – The world’s major religious deities have mutually agreed to give up on human beings and start fresh with a new species. Citing current international atrocities and a long history o...
Montreal Canadiens: NHL 2014-2015 Season Preview
Team: Montreal Canadiens Mascot: Two. First, Youppi the former Expo mascot, purchased back from the new american owners of the MLB team, that allows fans to recall the glory days when the city was int...
Calgary Flames: NHL 2014-2015 Season Preview
Team: Calgary Flames Mascot: That kid from the Scotiabank commercial with Jarome Iginla 2013-14 Season: Fans rejoiced as the team that was supposed to be the worst in the NHL finished a respectable fo...
Toronto friends plan to meet for coffee four months from now
TORONTO – After a chance encounter, long-time friends Sylvia Majersky and Lillian Silvers excitedly planned to meet for coffee 117 days from the day they both told each other they “absolutely” s...
Boring Canada still has no Ebola: report
OTTAWA – Citizens are expressing boredom with the fact that Canada still has no cases of Ebola, a new report finds. “It’s good that we’re safe but Canada news is so boring. Just like...
Ottawa Senators: NHL 2014-2015 Season Preview
Team: Ottawa Senators Mascot: A Carleton University student wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs hoodie 2013-2014 season: The Senators’ elimination from playoff contention in the final week of the reg...
