Ya, you should probably start getting really afraid of Sinkholes
By a Sinkhole Hey my man, I know you’ve been worrying about a lot of things lately – sharks, parasites you can only get in countries you will never visit, and the specific contents of…
CNN anchor sad for CNN’s suffering caused by teen’s rape
ATLANTA, GA – A CNN anchor described the sorry fate of the company she works for on Monday after watching it get barraged with protests by the public and the media for its coverage of the s…
Dozens dead after rotten green meat mistaken for St. Patrick’s Day special
ST. CATHERINE’S, ON – Well over 20 people were reported dead last night, with countless more hospitalized, after the rancid, green meat served at O’Malley’s Irish Bar and Grill was mistaken…
Democracy flounders in Egypt despite consensus on walking style
CAIRO – Protests continued in the streets of Cairo Thursday as prospects for the fledgling Egyptian democracy look increasingly bleak. Egyptian politicians and pundits alike have expressed …
Only day off this week spent doing laundry, getting divorced
EDMONTON – After working nine consecutive days to finish a lengthy report, 38-year-old Ted Bulfosky used his only day off to do his laundry and file for a divorce. “It wasn’t really my idea…
Runner-up Cardinal mildly comforted by his new washer-dryer
VATICAN CITY – Brazilian Cardinal Odilo Scherer was somewhat consoled when he received his runner-up prize of a washer and dryer after losing the papal election yesterday. “It’s alrig…
REPORT: Downward Spiral stage of Bieber’s career begins right on schedule
LONDON, UK – Nineteen-year-old megastar Justin Bieber’s career may be moving from the “golden years” to the “downward spiral” stage exactly on schedule, accord…
UPDATE: Smoke rises from conclave; cardinals red-eyed, hungry and unable to make decision
VATICAN CITY – The 115 member Cardinal Conclave in the Sistine Chapel signaled that it was unable to determine the next pope by burning a suspicious smelling substance. “Yeah, we weren’t able to …
Justin Trudeau calls for ‘fresh ideas, even fresher beats’
LONDON, ON – The federal Liberal leadership race is about bringing “fresh ideas and fresher beats,” said Justin Trudeau to supporters at an event on Monday. The charismatic Liberal MP…
