BELLEVILLE, ON ― In order to prevent anybody from slipping in something that might cause no end of imaginary harm to her daughter, local mother Jenna Bailey instructed her 8-year-old today not to eat ...
Cruelty-free haunted house only features ghosts who died of natural causes
WINNIPEG – Local parapsychologists were pleasantly surprised when their investigation of a mysterious old house in the heart of historic Winnipeg uncovered numerous spirits who lived happy lives and j...
Is Buffy Ste Marie actually Indigenous? Six extremely white people weigh in
A recent episode of The Fifth Estate brought Buffy Ste Marie’s ethnic identity into question. We sought the definitive word on the iconic singer’s heritage by asking six of the whitest people we could...
Local children not at all scared by haunted House of Commons
OTTAWA – The federal government’s attempt to entertain young Halloween visitors fell flat on its face this year, as almost no child has reported being scared by the main attraction: a Haun...
Tell us your fall Starbucks order, and we’ll tell you what kind of climate survivalist you’ll be
Leamington, ON– We all have our autumn rituals, and whether yours is drying off from the summer’s floods or cooling down from the summer’s forest fires, or both, The Beaverton has you covered. One thi...
Fixer-upper home has good bones, teeth
HALIFAX – A local 2-story home, recently purchased by Jeff and Priya Steinen, is being hailed as a sound investment due to the structure having “good bones”, as well as healthy teeth, hair, and ...
Most popular Halloween Costumes in each Province
It’s that spooky time of the year again, when kids and adults with drinking problems spend an inordinate amount of time planning out costumes that they will either look back on fondly or try to ...
Dog-Walker Association latest company to eliminate plastic bags
TORONTO – In efforts to model sound environmental stewardship, the Dog-Walker Association of Ontario has become the latest company to eliminate plastic bags, along with every dog walkers’ sense ...
Charter Of Rights & Freedoms renamed Charter Of Long-Term Goals & General Guidelines
OTTAWA – With Conservative Premiers now freely using S. 33 to overrule any court ruling getting in the way of their agenda the federal government has announced plans to rename The Charter Of Rig...
Just to be cautious, Ontario announces Eglinton LRT will be open by the year 2236
TORONTO – In an effort to assuage concerns regarding the long overdue Eglinton Crosstown LRT, Premier Doug Ford has announced a cautiously optimistic opening date of 2236. “I’m very pleased to finally...
