Quebec’s Language Police fines anglophone family for writing ‘Toronto’ in English on moving boxes
MONTREAL – The Miller family’s flight from Quebec’s increasingly stringent language laws hit a snag on Thursday when the province’s language police fined them $3,000 for writing Toronto in …
Rob Ford dares Police Chief to arrest him before he poisons the Gotham reservoir
TORONTO – At a press conference, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford challenged Police Chief Bill Blair to apprehend him before he could carry out “yet another fiendishly wicked stroke of criminal genius”, an…
Cannibal angry about lack of humanitarian options on menu
OTTAWA – After being refused human meat at a local restaurant, neighbourhood cannibal Frank Willis is charging that nearby eateries are discriminating against a lifestyle choice that emphas…
PMO showcases free lunch program for disadvantaged staffers, cabinet ministers
OTTAWA – The Harper government is demonstrating its profound empathy for the disenfranchised political class with a $68,000 lunch program for disadvantaged PMO staff and cabinet ministers. “It’s …
RCMP bust major Canadian Tire money counterfeit, laundering operation
MONCTON – The RCMP have arrested twelve people in connection to an advanced Canadian Tire money counterfeit and laundering operation, seizing over $10 million in Canadian Tire currency. Pol…
Study: everything organic when the regular garbage doesn’t have a bag in it
TORONTO – A new study by the University of Toronto has confirmed citizens’ long held belief that, if the regular garbage bin has no bag, all the refuse in your house has become organi…
Conservative MP Brad Butt claims he saw Big Foot stealing voter cards
OTTAWA – The Member of Parliament who claimed he saw people committing voter fraud is now claiming he saw Sasquatch stealing voter cards out of recycling bins. “Mr. Speaker, I have seen thi…
Calgary relieves traffic congestion replacing downtown with 6,000 lane highway
CALGARY – After years of congested roads and frustrated drivers, the City of Calgary announced that it will be tearing down most of the city’s core and paving a 6,000 lane highway for a fas…
New Tim Hortons bonus roll cups now doubles chances to not win a car
OTTAWA – Fans of the Tim Hortons Roll Up the Rim contest have been excited by a new feature that now gives them two chances to not win a car. The extra Roll Up the Rim location is part of T…
Harold Ramis becomes world’s funniest Class 5 Free-Roaming Vapour
CHICAGO – Early yesterday morning, surrounded by family and loved ones, acclaimed comedy writer/director Harold Ramis, age 69, crossed over to officially become the spirit world’s most hilarious …
