Can the NDP make Canadian history by forming their first government? Here’s what to voters can expect:
Key Beliefs
Strongly grounded in pro-labour and socialist principles unless there’s a chance of winning
Policy Priorities
Getting guys with man buns, women in vintage dresses on single speed bicycles to believe in this country again
Specific Plans
Foreign Policy: Ensuring all criticism of Israel has been deleted from every candidate’s Facebook page
Criminal Justice: NDP candidates are very experienced with the criminal justice system after the entire party was illegally detained at the Toronto G20 protests
National Unity: Supports a strong, united Canada/50 pour cent plus un serait suffisante
Economy: Thomas Mulcair will somehow balance the budget while simultaneously spend billions on social and infrastructure programs during a recession by clicking his heels and repeating “There’s no leader like Tommy Douglas.”
Ethics: The $2.7 million owed by the NDP for using a satellite offices for partisan purposes with taxpayers dollars will be promptly reimbursed the moment every MP pays off their student debts
Unemployment: Will help solve youth unemployment by replacing the PMO with the Canadian Federation of Students
Child Care: Olivia Chow will personally babysit your child during the wait for more childcare spaces to open
Plans for the Future
Maybe write some original legislation eventually, but next few years will just be reversing everything since 2006
