13 things you didn’t know were in the Conservative government’s omnibus bill
The federal Conservative government is set to pass a 359 page omnibus bill with a wide-range of new laws. Here are some highlights on what you might have missed: 1. 145 pages of “all work and no …
Toronto Raptors clinch playoffs for first time since last time they played in playoffs
TORONTO – For the first time in probably at least a few years based on everybody’s reaction the Toronto Raptors will be heading to the NBA playoffs this spring. “Everyone counted us out at …
An Independent Quebec would keep calling itself Canada, says Marois
QUEBEC – A sovereign Quebec would not necessarily change its name from Canada to Quebec, PQ leader Pauline Marois admitted at a campaign event on Tuesday night Marois, who previously assert…
The Economist surprises readers by using term ‘gambit’ in story title
LONDON – In a move that has stirred controversy among regular readers, a renowned news and international affairs publication has unearthed an unusual, yet clever term. The Economist magazin…
BC Conservation officer not good at conserving bullets
VICTORIA – A British Columbia Conservation Officer has been having trouble conserving the amount of bullets inside his Glock 22 sidearm. Conservation Officer Matthew Poole has received 32 c…
Lars von Trier offended by critics describing his work as ‘a movie’
LONDON – During a press junket on Monday director Lars von Trier expressed anger and annoyance in response to critics referring to his latest work with belittling words like “movie,” “film,…
Local family forced to euthanize talking snowman
BURLINGTON, ON – With spring coming on, Burlington’s Coates family has no choice but to put Mr. Snowglobe, the magical talking snowman they accidentally brought to life earlier this season,…
Local man’s nipples didn’t turn out the way that he’d hoped
YELLOWKNIFE, NWT – With differences in both puffiness and colouration from what he had thought they would be like, the nipples of local man Eric Willems have failed to live up to his expect…
Robin Thicke’s Juno dancers replaced by women’s Olympic curling team
WINNIPEG – Amid the controversy over Robin Thicke’s performance tonight at the Juno’s, organizers have decided Thicke’s scantily-clad back up dancers will be replaced by Team Jones, the Can…
Popular hipster cafe ironically serving instant coffee
MONTREAL – Recently opened hipster cafe “The Twig” is making a name for itself by serving “nostalgic” instant coffee complete with white refined sugar and powdered c…
