Student who never attends tutorial furious at TA strike
TORONTO – A second year history student at the University of Toronto is upset to hear that the university’s TA strike is preventing him from not attending his weekly tutorials. “This is so …
Ottawa asking deceased veterans to confirm status every 3 years
OTTAWA – Following the newly instated policy that requires veterans to verify lost limbs, Ottawa is now also requiring deceased veterans to prove their status every three years. “This…
Man pretty sure thank-you card for Christmas gift will make things worse at this point
MISSISSAUGA — Local man James Redwy told reporters yesterday that despite “really wanting” to send a thank-you note to his aunt Susan for the sweater she gave him for Christmas, at this point it’…
Putin vows to personally lead the cover-up of opponent’s murder
MOSCOW – Russian President Vladimir Putin is vowing a complete and thorough cover-up into the assassination of opposition leader Boris Nemtsov using all of the Russian state security and po…
Quebec judge will sentence defendants to the fullest extent of being Muslim
MONTREAL – After denying to hear a case of a woman simply because she was wearing a hijab, Judge Eliana Marengo has vowed to sentence lawbreakers according to how Muslim they are. “My inter…
120 year-old time capsule reveals Ottawa just as boring as it is now
OTTAWA – After being hidden away for years in Parliament, a time capsule filled with aging artifacts has revealed that Ottawa was just dull and uninteresting as it is now. The capsule, whic…
Conservative civil servant has a deep mistrust in self
OTTAWA – A public servant for the federal government and card carrying Conservative Party member has a deep lack of trust in himself and the job that he works at. Larry Carmichael states hi…
Report: dime still not subway token
TORONTO – Despite being certain that he had finally found the missing subway token in his jacket pocket, local man Ryan Malan discovered it was, yet again, nothing but a dime. “I looked in …
Police unearth extended metaphor for student debt near York U Campus
TORONTO – An underground emblem for university arrears and the difficulty of paying them off has been discovered near the Rexall Centre at York University. According to authorities, the symbol is…
Government asks child pornographers to hold off until they balance budget
OTTAWA – In light of the $10 million in cuts to the RCMP’s anti-child pornography agenda, the Conservative government is asking pedophiles to lay off for a bit while they balance the books.…
