Supreme Court overturns Alien v. Predator
WASHINGTON – The United States Supreme Court issued a shocking 5-4 ruling on the landmark case of Alien v. Predator, ruling that the intergalactic hunters’ (“Predators”) victory violated th…
‘Smoke’s’ announces it will now throw out half of your poutine for you
CANADA – Lover’s of Smoke’s Poutinerie nation-wide are breathing a joint sigh of relief, as the company implements a new service policy letting them throw out half of each pouti…
Man late for meeting wins Honda Indy
TORONTO – Human Resources Director Tom Biddlesworth is the latest driver to win the Honda Indy after he found himself late for an important meeting across town. Using a series of last-minut…
Citing need to appeal to younger demographic, Edmonton rebrands itself “edmntn”
EDMONTON – City officials announced this week that Edmonton would be undergoing a radical “re-branding” aimed at attracting younger residents and improving its klout score. R…
Telus animals seized in exotic baby animal smuggling ring
VANCOUVER – Vancouver police and the BC SPCA have uncovered a sophisticated exotic baby animal smuggling ring and arrested several Telus marketing executives who are implicated. “Telus was …
RCMP: Mike Duffy charged with accepting a bribe from nobody in particular
OTTAWA – RCMP officials announced this morning that suspended senator Mike Duffy will face 31 charges, namely accepting a $90,000 bribe from some guy, or woman, perhaps, who probably isn’t …
Happy couple gives birth to increased carbon footprint
HAMILTON – A delighted Chantal and Martin Derevoix welcomed a brand new resource consuming, tax on the environment into the world yesterday. Weighing 7lbs and named Typhany, the increase in…
‘No shark in Lake Ontario’, shark says
KINGSTON, ON – A YouTube video posted last Friday claiming to show a shark residing in Lake Ontario is a “total hoax,” reports the shark residing in Lake Ontario. “There’s absolutely nothing to w…
Payday lenders refuse to loan Ontario government money
Following the new budget tabled by the Liberal government, leading payday lenders confirmed today they would not extend loans to the Province of Ontario. “Even at the 49.99% interest we charge, w…
