Editorial by: Karen McCrindle Only once a year can families across many of Canada’s provinces celebrate a day they can call their own without having accommodate for those countless, illegitimate ragam...
Two Tinder bots really hitting it off
TORONTO – In a heartwarming Valentine’s Day development, chatbots Caleb and Brianna, initially programmed to fool and then defraud human users on the popular dating app Tinder, have allegedly swiped r...
Mediocre man seeks perfect woman
TIMMINS, ON – A local man seeks a muse worthy of epic poetry, despite his average face and mildly boring disposition. Jordan Ronson, an insurance adjuster in his 30s, posted a profile on OkCupid...
Grad student buys fancy bottle of ketchup for Valentine’s Day dinner
HALIFAX – Dalhousie graduate student Michael Conroy surprised his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day with a luxurious macaroni and cheese dinner, which he paired with an expensive glass bottle of ket...
The one guy who likes All-Star games, Sting and Cirque du Soleil going pretty nuts right now
With the NBA All Star game taking place in Toronto this year, sources have confirmed that Andrew Hall, the one and only person who likes top-notch All Star basketball, singer songwriter Sting, and the...
Scalia declared dead in most popular ruling of his career
CIBOLO CREEK RANCH, TX – U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia was ruled dead by officials in west Texas this weekend, in what experts and colleagues agree is unquestionably the most popular verdi...
Vince Carter skips NBA All-Star tribute to attend master’s graduation ceremony
TORONTO, ON — Vince Carter has decided to attend his master’s graduation ceremony instead of NBA All Star tribute, because “it’s the most Vinsanity thing to do.” “It was my dream to slam dunk th...
Blue-collar NBA players scoff at elitism of All-Star Game
TORONTO – NBA players across North America have taken issue with what they perceive as unqualified elitism at the league’s annual All-Star Game, arguing that the event only widens the gap betwee...
Makers of cinnamon hearts surprised people still eating them
TORONTO — Cinnamon heart producers were shocked to discover this week that many consumers of the red heart drops are actually eating the product, sometimes compulsively. “To clarify, the hearts ...
Toronto looking to take relationship with Drake to next level
TORONTO – Things appeared to be getting serious between chart-topping musician Aubrey Drake Graham and Toronto this Friday after Mayor John Tory announced that he would be providing Drake with a key t...
