Handy ghost returns to complete unfinished basement

LETHBRIDGE, AB – After moving into their dream house in Lethbridge, Alberta the family of Tom and Christie Miller have reported hearing “weird” noises and seeing glimpses of a wispy, transp…

Elections Canada apologizes for long lines, offers voters complimentary ballots

OTTAWA — Taking responsibility for long wait times to vote, Elections Canada has offered all advanced voters complimentary ballots in addition to the one they’ve already cast. “We apologize…

Tories running out of voters to alienate

WATERLOO, ON — With only a week left before the election, Stephen Harper’s Conservatives are trying hard to find new voters and alienate them with their statements and policies filled with …

Dozens of Disney employees set free during latest release from the Vault

BURBANK, CA – More than 40 Disney employees who had been declared missing since Feb. 10. were discovered today during the Diamond Edition re-release of Aladdin, having been trapped in the D…

If the dinosaurs had been armed, they wouldn’t be extinct right now

BY DR. BEN CARSON, U.S. PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE For the past few years, the Second Amendment rights of all U.S. citizens have been under attack by gun control lobbyists, who would see America stri…

Panicked husband realizes turkey pan has been soaking since last Thanksgiving

BRANDON, MA – As his family prepared for this weekend’s thanksgiving festivities local man Stephen Island realized that he had left the pan they use to cook the turkey every year sitting in…

Montreal to dump entire editorial staff of MTLBlog into the St Lawrence

Montreal Mayor Denis Coderre made a dramatic announcement today outlining his controversial plan to dump the entire editorial staff of MTLBlog, along with thousands of its most inane listicles an…

Meet the 23 year-old PMO staffer who denied all of the Syrian refugees into Canada

OTTAWA — In a small office located within the bowels of Stephen Harper’s PMO sits a young man responsible for halting all Syrian refugee applications. When he’s not busy wiretapping Justin …

Gilles Duceppe calls on other party leaders to give him fifteen dollars

QUEBEC CITY – Building on his reputation as a wild-card wiling to call out the other candidates on issues where they share the same biases, Bloc Québécois leader Gilles Duceppe has demanded…

Toronto Blue Jays fans eager to end 22-year rioting drought

TORONTO – After a two decade playoff absence fans of the Toronto Blue Jays are hopeful this will be the year they can finally destroy their city in a drunken World Series celebration. “I wa…