Apple vows to stop FBI from corrupting exploitation monopoly
CUPERTINO, CALIF. – In an open letter to consumers, Apple CEO Tim Cook promised to fight a recent court order forcing the company to assist the FBI in hacking San Bernadino shooter Sayed Farook’s…
Goldman Sachs predicts CDN dollar will continue to fall after they artificially lower it
NEW YORK CITY – Goldman Sachs’ computer models have predicted that the value of the Canadian Dollar will fall 12 cents compared to the US dollar in the coming weeks after they use an astoun…
Guy who shouts things at bus station granted Alberta legislature press pass
EDMONTON — “Ted the Truthmaker”, an Edmonton resident who enjoys yelling conspiracy theories about the government at commuters, was granted a press pass to the Alberta legislature yesterday…
After pet cosmetic surgery ban, Quebec faces epidemic of unfuckable pets
QUEBEC CITY – After Quebec’s order of veterinarians banned cosmetic ear-cropping and tail-docking, the province is facing an unprecedented surge in completely fugly pets. “Augh, nasty,” sai…
Passionate triple homicide in beautiful Old Montreal
MONTREAL — Reports have been confirmed that three people have died following a shooting last night outside the La Nuit des Passions nightclub near Place d’Youville in Old Montreal, but then…
Study: Exposure to billboard ads linked to unrealistic expectation that all women are 70ft tall
SASKATOON – A new study out of the University of Saskatchewan shows that men exposed to billboard advertisements slowly begin to assume that all women are blonde, thin, and gigantic. “In re…
Pixar unveils next movie: two-hour, uninterrupted shot of a kitten’s funeral
LOS ANGELES – In a bold move that has stunned film enthusiasts, animation juggernaut Pixar announced its next major release will simply be one long take of the funeral of a family’s cherish…
Former teacher Trudeau cracking down on cell phones nationwide
OTTAWA – Calling on his training as a former french and math teacher, Prime Minister Trudeau has started cracking down on cellphone use across the country. “Look, I don’t want to be the bad…
Report: Notley stepping down would to lead to 300% increase in Conservative government jobs
ALBERTA – Conservative critics of the Alberta NDP took Premier Rachel Notley to task this afternoon, claiming that her actions have put dozens of Conservative Members of Provincial Parliame…
Toronto Star tourism section claims Whitehorse’s Superstore a must see
The Toronto Star has named the Real Canadian Superstore in Whitehorse as the top attraction to visit while in the Yukon Territory. In the article, travel columnist Jennifer Welsh says the throwba…
