ASHE COUNTY, NC – After spending a full 13 hours standing next to his local polling station holding an AR-15, Arliss Connaught has suddenly realized that he forgot to vote.
“Well shoot,” said Connaught, a Trump supporter and member of his local militia/bowling club, The Firing Pins. Upon realizing that it was too late to get in line vote, Connaught lamented, “I knew I was supposed to do something else today besides scare minorities.”
Connaught arrived at 6:00am so he could reserve a prime intimidation position at the front of the line. Despite being just 5 feet away from the voting booth, at no point during his 13 hours of securing democracy did the camouflage-wearing Connaught remember to fill in a ballot.
“I think I was just tired. Menacing blacks, Mexicans, and what I think were some Jewish folks really takes a lot out of a man,” said Connaught. “I was so wiped out that I barely managed to give the stink-eye to that turban fella near the end.”
As a firm believer in keeping the vote fair and honest, Connaught says he will accept the electoral results so long as Donald Trump becomes President.
