Nation’s dads issue collective “OPA!” after plate dropped in restaurant

MISSISSAUGA, ON – In response to the accidental dropping and breaking of a plate by a server at a Mississauga Kelsey’s earlier today, the nation’s dads have publicly issued a collective “OP…

Inspiring! Trudeau promises to raise cap on private refugee sponsorship by 1 for every 1000 retweets he gets

OTTAWA – If you think nobody in the world is trying to stop Trump you’re wrong! Justin Trudeau has just tweeted that for every 1000 retweets he gets he’ll raise the cap on private refugee s…

BREAKING: Statue of Liberty has begun fading from old photographs

NEW YORK – After Donald Trump signed an executive order banning all immigrants and refugees from several Muslim countries, sources across the country are reporting that the Statue of Libert…

“Protest doesn’t solve anything,” says man who has never solved anything

LONDON, ON – In a revolutionary move, local man George Hunter has posted online about his disdain for civil action as a solution despite the fact that he has never even changed a lightbulb withou…

Costa Rican Ambassador Brian Pallister makes racist remark against indigenous people

WINNIPEG – The Costa Rican Ambassador to Manitoba Brian Pallister was caught making offensive remarks towards indigenous people in Manitoba over nighttime hunting last week. The Ambassador,…

Couple with kids has sex outside of date night

WINNIPEG – Friends of Kari and Robert Hern have confirmed the occurrence of unplanned marital sex between the couple last Tuesday. Sources within Kari’s book club and Rob’s poker circle say that …

Canadian Try American Snacks Then We Turn Them Against Each Other

  The results will shock you. #BeavFeed…

Wynne kills Gardiner, DVP roads tolls in appeal to popular “Fuck Toronto” constituency

TORONTO – Premier Kathleen Wynne has pulled her support for Toronto City Council’s plan to implement road tolls on the Gardiner Expressway and Don Valley Expressway, choosing instead to ali…

Man with devil sticks and toe-shoes undermines gravitas of local rally

Comox, British Columbia – Organizers of a local rally to protect farmland in Parksville from developers were dismayed this weekend to find their event undermined by the presence of a man wi…

Rumours resurface of Louis C.K. cornering women, forcing them to watch ‘Horace & Pete’

TORONTO — In the wake of Louis C.K.’s record-breaking stand-up comedy tour, which included a recent performance at the ACC, ugly rumours have resurfaced involving the beloved comedian exploiting …