TORONTO – Announcing his intention to replace disgraced Ontario Progressive Conservative leader, Patrick Brown, Doug Ford is banking that everyone has forgotten events occurring between the year...
Mid-level drug dealer announces bid for Ontario PC leadership
TORONTO – A successful mid-level hash dealer named Doug Ford has announced his leadership bid for the Ontario Progressive Conservatives. The entrepreneur made the announcement earlier today amon...
Poll: Most Canadians support anti-anti-Islamophobia day
OTTAWA – On the one-year anniversary of the Quebec City Mosque shooting, a majority of Canadians say that they are supportive of an anti-anti-Islamophobia Day, according to a new poll. “Our peop...
Local man completely ignorant of world events after running out of free monthly articles
LANGLEY, BC – After reading the limit of eight articles in the first hour of the month, local resident Nima Petri has been completely cut off from all information beyond what is available to his...
BREAKING: Man panics upon discovering karaoke song more than just chorus
WINNIPEG – Eyewitnesses are reporting that 32 year old customer service representative Evan Legault is having difficulty keeping it together after taking the stage at a local karaoke bar to sing...
Paramedic not sure why she hasn’t gotten to ride the helicopter yet
THUNDER BAY — Following five months of employment, Thunder Bay paramedic Samantha Ledoux is increasingly worried by the fact that she hasn’t gotten to ride the search and rescue helicopter yet. “I don...
Ontario PCs pick black, queer woman as new leader and just kidding it’s another white guy
TORONTO – In the wake of the sudden resignation of Patrick Brown due to sexual assault allegations, the Ontario Progressive Conservatives have stunned the world by appointing a black, homosexual woman...
I gave up dating human men for exclusive relationship with audiobook of ‘Call Me By Your Name’
By: Nancy Webb If you told me a year ago that I would be in a committed relationship with the audiobook of André Acimon’s sensual novel turned critically-acclaimed film Call Me By Your Name, I would h...
Dermatologists recommend preventing dry winter skin by just peeling it all off yourself
OTTAWA – The Canadian Dermatology Association has released its guidelines for winter skin care, suggesting Canadians stay hydrated, moisturize daily, and if that doesn’t work, just peel your skin off ...
Pope Francis urges journalists to search for truth, but not like in that “Spotlight” movie
THE HOLY SEE — In his annual address, Pope Francis denounced “fake news” and urged journalists to search for the truth, then clarified, “but not like in that Spotlight movie.” The Pope was quick...
