VATICAN CITY – In an effort to combat plummeting Catholic numbers, Pope Francis has okayed a program of ‘ambush baptisms’ to boost the church’s membership. “Let’s face it, between Vatican II and...
Local woman pushing to meet work/life balance targets by Q2
TORONTO — Local business analyst Sandra Young reportedly has her nose to the grindstone this month in an attempt to hit her target work/life balance ratio of 60:40 by Q2. Young, whose current ra...
Kingston renamed Queen’s University Theme Park
KINGSTON – After years of struggling to hold Queen’s unending stream of young, white, and wealthy students accountable for disrespecting the city, Mayor Bryan Paterson surrendered today and agre...
Liam Neeson to star in film featuring Canadian man taking vengeance on cell phone company
TORONTO – Liam Neeson will star in a Taken-inspired action film centered around a Canadian man who seeks vengeance on his cell phone provider who charged him over $200. After reluctantly agreein...
Worldly sophisticate follows soccer
TORONTO – Eric Bromley, a learned internationalist who clearly holds himself too sophisticated for such parochial pursuits as hockey or basketball, settled down to enjoy an English Premier Leagu...
Government announces plans to make ‘O Canada’ deity neutral
OTTAWA – Following recent changes to make the national anthem gender neutral, the Liberal government is taking things one step further by also making the anthem applicable to a variety of gods. The ch...
Rebel Media asks viewers to place retirement savings into ‘Rebel Ponzi Scheme’
TORONTO – Controversial media website The Rebel has unveiled a new investment opportunity for its viewers: Canada’s first conservative-only ponzi scheme. The “Rebel Freedom Scam” promises steady...
Citing distinct identity, 7 Bloc Quebecois MPs announce intention to separate from rest of party
OTTAWA – Claiming that leader Martine Ouellet does not respect their unique position within the Bloc Quebecois Party, 7 out of 10 Bloc MPs have chosen to leave. Tension has been building for mon...
New security clearance policy requires Jared Kushner to hold hands with secret service agent at all times
WASHINGTON D.C. – White House Chief of Staff John Kelly has officially announced that Jared Kushner will only be granted security clearance if he promises to hold the hand of the secret service agent ...
2018 Budget mentioning the word ‘the’ 6,490 times shows Trudeau is pandering hard to the definite article
By Larry Hardy Canadians heard quite a bit from Finance Minister Bill Morneau’s 2018 Budget that had few surprises from a government that panders to specific groups, but none is more telling than the ...
