Antichrist able to hire five horsewomen of the apocalypse for the cost of four horsemen
WASHINGTON, DC – In light of the fast-approaching end times, the Antichrist has elected to take advantage of a gender wage gap that sees women earn approximately 20% less than men by hiring…
Dad approaches Home Depot employee like a well versed pick-up artist
ETOBICOKE – In what was an entirely nonsexual but definitely premeditated act, reports indicate that local father Peter Edwards, 55, approached Home Depot employee Garrett Sims, 22, with th…
Tesla’s new electric transport trucks able to travel up to 800 km on single charge while hauling 40,000 litres of oil
PALO ALTO, CA – As part of their continuing mission to create a green energy revolution, Tesla’s new line of electric transport trucks are said to be able to transport a full freight tank o…
Tim Hortons heirs encourage minimum wage employees to inherit their own coffee chains
COBURG, ON — After cutting employee benefits and paid breaks, the heirs to the Tim Hortons fortune are encouraging their minimum wage employees to make up the lost earnings by inheriting mu…
By 12 PM today, top earning CEOs will have eaten your lunch
OTTAWA – A new study by the Canadian Institute for Policy Alternatives says that by 12 PM today, Canada’s top earning CEOs have already eaten the lunch you’ve prepared for work. Research sh…
Ontario worker happy about finally earning a living wage to be laid off next week
PARRY SOUND, ON – Seeing her wages boosted to $14/hour, minimum-wage bakery worker Michelle Templeton was reportedly looking forward to living slightly above the poverty line before being u…
Grinch acquitted despite bodycam video showing him stealing Christmas
WHOVILLE—A federal court has found the Grinch not guilty of grand larceny and impersonating Santa Claus, after a controversial trial that featured bodycam evidence of the green monster stealing C…
The Beaverton’s book ‘Glorious and/or Free’ sweeps First Annual Beaverton Book Awards
TORONTO – The First Annual Beaverton Book Awards was handed out last night with The Beaverton Presents Glorious and/or Free: The True History of Canada. winning all 25 categories. The award…
Census data confirms households with children don’t care who started it, just apologize to your sister
OTTAWA – After analyzing the most recent Census data, Statistics Canada confirms that families with children under twelve years old aren’t in the mood to hear any of it, so just apologize t…
Stupid dumb idiot signs Tuesday morning email “Have a great weekend”
CALGARY – Demonstrating he’s a complete embarrassment to himself, a stupid, dumb idiot reportedly signed off on a work email on Tuesday morning with the tagline “Have a great weekend!” desp…
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