Years later man still haunted by memory of saying “Hi” to total stranger he thought was Jeff
RICHMOND, B.C. – After seven years, local man Gary Alonzo still wakes up in a cold sweat, traumatized by the memory of that time he accidentally greeted someone he thought was his friend Je…
Hawaiians report end-of-the-world sex not romantic, just frantic, terrifying
HONOLULU — Following an erroneous mobile phone alert telling Hawaiians a ballistic attack was imminent, thousands of island residents are reporting that engaging in panicked, fearful doomsd…
Touchdown celebration enters third day
PITTSBURGH, PA – The Pittsburgh Steelers have appeared to go above and beyond the expected victory march with their most recent touchdown celebration, which this afternoon surpassed the 70 …
Faith healer Trudeau tours country performing miracle of restoring his popularity
HAMILTON – Worshipers flocked to town halls across the country to watch faith healer Justin Trudeau perform the miraculous healing of his damaged reputation. “Ladies and gentlemen, I was in…
16 years after Gangs of New York, Daniel Day-Lewis still refusing to drop character as Bill the Butcher
NEW YORK – Proving his dedication to the craft of acting, Daniel Day-Lewis is still roaming the streets of New York city with a cleaver, even though principal photography on Gangs of New Yo…
What’s-His-Face, That Guy named to Canadian Olympic men’s hockey team
TORONTO – Team Canada has announced its men’s Olympic hockey roster which includes such notable players as What’s-His-Face, That Guy, and Him. “We have a very talented, hard-working team,” …
Parti Québécois proves they aren’t racist by bravely not wanting to talk about racism
QUEBEC CITY – As the anniversary of last year’s mosque shooting outside Québec City approaches, the Parti Québécois has succeeded in proving that they are “not even a little bit racist” by opposi…
Vancouver mayor won’t run for re-election because he can no longer afford to live in Vancouver
VANCOUVER – After ten years as Vancouver’s mayor, Gregor Robertson has announced he will not be running for re-election because he can’t afford to live in the city anymore. “I love Vancouve…
After being ousted from Conservatives, Lynn Beyak retreats to one place racism is still acceptable: the Canadian Senate
Watch this exclusive clip from The Beaverton.…
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