WINNIPEG – Local woman Renee Schloss is garnering major attention for her unique affectation – wearing two functioning wristwatches at once. “I wear one on the left, and one on the right,”...
Gen Xer attempts to untangle AirPods
NANAIMO, BC — Local Gen X-er Jerry Greene flailed like an inflatable car dealership mascot today as he attempted to untangle and insert his AirPods before answering his ringing iPhone. “‘Call missed.’...
Number of coffee table books exceeds number of coffee tables
VICTORIA, BC – A local woman experienced a decorative emergency this week when her collection of coffee table books exceeded her number of coffee tables. Wendy Miller, 39, realized the emergency when ...
Dunderheaded ant taking inefficient route to crumb
CALGARY – Reports from the Calloway household indicate that a local ant is taking a pointlessly circuitous route to a tasty chocolate chip cookie crumb. “He rounded the knife block twice, and then he ...
Seasonal temperature shifts create pleasing sounds from house built entirely out of accordions
CHARLOTTETOWN — While many Prince Edward Islanders mark the arrival of Fall by noticing the changing colours of the leaves, Daryl McClintock listens for the soothing sonic effects of temperature fluct...
Fiddler can’t afford roof
ST. JOHN’S, NL – The Canadian housing crisis reached new heights this week with a renowned fiddler unable to afford a roof. Viola Green, 35, a prolific fiddle player who has toured with major Ca...
Handy changes for the new year: Boxing and Fisting to trade names
SAN JUAN, PR – The World Boxing Organization (WBO) and the International Fisting Association (IFA) have agreed to an exchange of names for their respective activities as of Jan 1, 2025. Starting...
Hawk poo-ah! 5 dangerous bones to find in your pet bird’s regurgitated pellets
Bird owners, beware! Ornithologists have identified 5 new bones that, if found in a bird of prey’s regurgitated pellets, could call for an urgent trip to the Bird E.R. Watch out for your bird chokin’ ...
Pizza Pizza gives man diarrhea diarrhea
TORONTO – Local jeweler Jason Jackson has eaten a bad Pizza Pizza pizza, according to cub cuisine columnist Ms. Chris Swiss. “I work all the time, and then I had to work overtime, so I just wanted to...
