Poll: Most Canadians support anti-anti-Islamophobia day

OTTAWA – On the one-year anniversary of the Quebec City Mosque shooting, a majority of Canadians say that they are supportive of an anti-anti-Islamophobia Day, according to a new poll. “Our…

Local man completely ignorant of world events after running out of free monthly articles

LANGLEY, BC – After reading the limit of eight articles in the first hour of the month, local resident Nima Petri has been completely cut off from all information beyond what is available t…

BREAKING: Man panics upon discovering karaoke song more than just chorus

WINNIPEG – Eyewitnesses are reporting that 32 year old customer service representative Evan Legault is having difficulty keeping it together after taking the stage at a local karaoke bar to…

Paramedic not sure why she hasn’t gotten to ride the helicopter yet

THUNDER BAY — Following five months of employment, Thunder Bay paramedic Samantha Ledoux is increasingly worried by the fact that she hasn’t gotten to ride the search and rescue helicopter yet. “…

Ontario PCs pick black, queer woman as new leader and just kidding it’s another white guy

TORONTO – In the wake of the sudden resignation of Patrick Brown due to sexual assault allegations, the Ontario Progressive Conservatives have stunned the world by appointing a black, homosexual …

I gave up dating human men for exclusive relationship with audiobook of ‘Call Me By Your Name’

By: Nancy Webb If you told me a year ago that I would be in a committed relationship with the audiobook of André Acimon’s sensual novel turned critically-acclaimed film Call Me By Your Name, I wo…

Dermatologists recommend preventing dry winter skin by just peeling it all off yourself

OTTAWA – The Canadian Dermatology Association has released its guidelines for winter skin care, suggesting Canadians stay hydrated, moisturize daily, and if that doesn’t work, just peel your skin…

Pope Francis urges journalists to search for truth, but not like in that “Spotlight” movie

THE HOLY SEE — In his annual address, Pope Francis denounced “fake news” and urged journalists to search for the truth, then clarified, “but not like in that Spotlight movie.” The Pope was …

Report: Patrick Brown regrets not having paid attention to Ontario’s new sex-ed curriculum on consent

TORONTO – Former Ontario PC Leader Patrick Brown is kicking himself after failing to read and understand the meaning of consent as described in Ontario’s sex education curriculum updated in…

Nuclear scientists move doomsday clock to “drinkin’ time”

CHICAGO, IL – In response to the new nuclear posture of the United States, along with the lack of evidence based decision making mechanisms in place, the members of the Bulletin of the Atom…