Puppy Bowl suspends black Lab for sitting during anthem

SILVER SPRING, MD – Causing a row in what was supposed to be a jubilant culmination of this year’s adorable puppies playing season, Animal Planet officials at the Puppy Bowl have suspended …

Inspiring! This woman kept a food journal of everything she ate except half of it

Fitness goals! Local woman Isabel Johnson has given us all a little bit of motivation with her commitment to forming better habits. Her approach? Keeping a detailed journal of at least 50% of all…

Eagles sign Colin Kaepernick for one-game contract to defeat Tom Brady, save football, America, just moments before you wake up

MINNEAPOLIS, MN – In a surprise last-minute transaction, the Philadelphia Eagles have signed controversial quarterback Colin Kaepernick to a one-day contract that will allow him to lead the…

Breaking: local man not as good at fighting as he thought he was before this fight

Langley, B.C. – Sources are reporting local man, Josiah Thompson, just realized that he was not as adept at hand to hand combat as he thought he was before engaging in it with another patro…

Woman on death row’s final meal request: “I don’t know, whatever you want”

RICHMOND, VA – When faced with the decision of selecting her final meal, death-row inmate Sherry Burns declared that she was “cool with whatever.” “All I wanted to know was what she wanted …

Declassified memo alleges FBI investigated Trump Campaign just because they did a bunch of crimes

WASHINGTON DC — A bombshell memo written by the House Intelligence Chair alleges the FBI opened an investigation into Trump Campaign officials based solely on the fact they done an absurd a…

Your girlfriend doesn’t want commitment, she wants you to be Rihanna

MISSISSAUGA – After numerous consultations with groups of women congregating in club bathrooms, irrefutable evidence proves that most women are dissatisfied with how un-Rihanna their partne…

Priest uses Thursday Mass to test out new material

BRAMPTON – During mass at St. Paul’s Roman Catholic Church this week, Pastor Callum O’Brien, 40, took the opportunity to work on some material he’d been wanting to play around with for a bi…

Alberta NDP fears massive cross-border spill of environmentalism from B.C. NDP

EDMONTON – Alberta premier Rachel Notley gave a press conference today in which she outlined her concerns about a massive spill of environmentalism from across the British Columbia border. …

Gay friend can’t even look at you until you’re caught up on Drag Race

MONTREAL – According to numerous reports, your closest gay friend, Erik Mitchell, is refusing to engage with you in any way until you have watched the latest episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race. …