SEATTLE, WA – With Amazon now holding the rights to the 007 film franchise, the company’s CEO, Jeff Bezos, announced the first movie will pit Bond against his greatest enemy yet: ungrateful workers in...
Aligning themselves with Trump works out just as well for U.S. hockey players as it did for Ted Cruz
BOSTON – After explicitly praising Donald Trump’s support of their team and even hoping they can “win for him” U.S. hockey players discovered what Ted Cruz and numerous other p...
Canada annexes 4 Nations Championship
BOSTON, MA – The Canadian men’s hockey team has successfully seized the 4 Nations hockey championship from their American opponents, completing their annexation of the trophy nearly halfway through th...
Man who was happy to see snow for climate change reasons now back to angry
SCARBOROUGH, ON – Local man Geoff Bridgley, who recently expressed enthusiasm at this winter’s robust snowfall in the face of bleak worldwide climate change indicators, has now reverted to...
New study finds pushing feelings way deep down inside is best option for everyone
Shoppers Drug Mart, Ontario – A new study from researchers at Harvard Medical has found that people who ignore their emotions and bury them deep within ends up being the best approach for societ...
Meet the Canadians who support U.S. annexation: this 42 year old accountant sucks shit
Ever since polls were released showing Canadians overwhelmingly reject Donald Trump’s proposal to become the 51st state by 77-15%, the question everyone has been asking is: who the fuck are thes...
Doctor turns to ChatGPT for novel ways to say ‘it’s all in your head’ to female patients
Halifax, NS – Looking to take advantage of AI in his practice, Dr. Allan George turned to ChatGPT for novel ways to tell female patients “It’s all in your head.” Dr. George, a rheumatologist wit...
US, Russia commence Ukraine Piece Talks, where Ukraine will be carved into pieces
RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA – Representatives from the United States and Russia met today to commence their “Ukraine Piece Talks” summit, wherein the two autocrat-led nations will discuss w...
Trump on 51st State: “Canada needs America’s protection from countries like America”
WASHINGTON D.C. – Asked about his earlier comments regarding Canada becoming the 51st state, President Donald Trump clarified that Canada needs America to offer it protection from hostile aggres...
Man who has spent entire political career attacking everybody promises he’ll attack Trump and Elon any minute now
OTTAWA – Pierre Poilievre, who has famously spent his 21-year political career vociferously attacking any person or political entity which opposed him, has vowed to “any day now” beg...
