5 great excuses for not voting in the Federal election, you piece of shit
OTTAWA – The Federal election is upon us, and projections show that the Millennial demographic wields considerable power to decide the future Prime Minister. You’re going to need a better excuse …
NDP candidate unsure who she’ll vote for
SYDNEY-HANTS, NS – A Nova Scotia NDP candidate is still undecided on which party she will vote for in the federal election. Marlene Campbell, a human rights activist and lawyer, said she ha…
Environmentalist’s scariest secret weapon
Oh god…it’s terrifying!…
Starbucks scrambles to launch new drink for impeachment season
SEATTLE – Executives at Starbucks Coffee Company are working overtime to create a new drink to herald in impeachment season for U.S. President Donald Trump. Following the news that Trump ac…
Scheer: We must stop erasing Canadian history by learning about all of it
OTTAWA – During a campaign announcement that promised free attendance at Canadian museums, Conservative leader Andrew Scheer lamented the fact that political correctness is destroying Canad…
OC Transpo recommends Ottawa commuters leave for work a week earlier
OTTAWA – Ottawa’s public transit service is advising that area commuters should arrive at any bus or LRT stop a week in advance as a precaution to avoid being late for work. “We are still m…
NHL promises expansion team to every town in Quebec except Quebec City
They know what they did.…
Zoo trades away most popular animals; working towards ‘competitive window’ in 2024
TORONTO – After suffering for years in comparison to other world-class zoos like the San Diego Zoo and Bronx Zoo, the Toronto Zoo has decided to intentionally send its best animals to other…
All political parties admit their opponents won the debate
GATINEAU, QC – In a rare display of self-reflection, the Liberals, Conservatives, NDP, Greens, Bloc and People’s Party admitted that their opponents fared much better in the federal leaders…
Bernie Sanders released from hospital, promises to be every bit as old as before
LAS VEGAS – While recovering from a sudden heart attack, US Senator and 2020 Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders promised supporters he will return to the race with a renewed commitment t…
