Fabricland files for bankruptcy after biggest customer fired from Coach’s Corner

TORONTO – Canada’s Largest Fashion Fabric Distributor Fabricland says it will be shutting its doors now that its largest customer, Don Cherry, has been fired from by Sportsnet. Over 5…

Juul unveils wrongful-death-lawsuit flavoured pods

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Following this past week’s announcement that Juul Labs would be discontinuing their top-selling mint e-cigarette pods, the company has revealed its plans to release wron…

Man voted 7th greatest Canadian of all time says 845th racist thing

TORONTO – Donald ‘Grapes’ Cherry, a failed hockey coach and current hockey commentator who Canadians saw fit to vote as the 7th greatest Canadian of all time, is under fire for saying a rac…

$200 winter boots makes man weigh pros and cons of having feet

THUNDER BAY, ON- While out shopping for boots to last through the upcoming Canadian winter, local man Alan Watt began weighing the pros and cons of owning feet, after seeing a $200 price tag. “I …

Sportsnet reminds viewers of its zero-consequence-for-racism policy

TORONTO – Sportsnet has responded to Don Cherry’s recent comments towards immigrants by reminding fans that it has a zero-consequence policy for anything racist the host says. “We strongly …

Proposed cuts of government handouts to end free starter Pokemon program

PALLET TOWN – Today government officials outlined their latest proposed budget cuts, which included the controversial decision to end the popular starter Pokemon program. First introduced i…

Scheer: If you wanted to know my real views on homosexuality, you should’ve made me Prime Minister

OTTAWA – After being asked by a reporter if he views homosexuality as a sin, Conservative leader Andrew Scheer made it clear that the only way Canadians are going to find out his true belie…

Local woman maniacally reporting firmness of each grape

EDMONTON – Medical professionals at Royal Alexandra Hospital are unsure how to diagnose patient Sara Rostami, a young woman who is unable to consume grapes unless she is reporting back on t…

B.C. exits from Wexit with BCexitwexit

VICTORIA – The province of B.C. would like prairie separatists to please desist from calling their sovereignty movement Wexit (Western Canada Exit) and are hoping to drive this point home i…

Police concerned as Jane Fonda recidivism climbs by 300%

WASHINGTON, DC—Police have reportedly expressed quiet concern following a disturbing statistic showing actress and activist Jane Fonda’s re-offence rate has nearly quadrupled at an alarming speed…