Millennial Christmas party evacuated as guests run out of TV shows to talk about

TORONTO — Guests at a holiday party hosted by millennial couple Elaine Royce and Andray Parker were evacuated by first responders as their guests realized they had run out of TV series to m…

Venetian flood eases traffic

VENICE, ITALY — A record-breaking number of floods in Venice, Italy has significantly eased traffic congestion by opening a number of options for commuters to get to work. “It’s so convenie…

Office holiday party finally gives co-workers chance to spend more time together

Markham, ON – a local office’s annual holiday party has given employees exactly what they’ve always wanted: the chance to spend more time surrounded by their co-workers. “Oh man finally,” s…

Jason Kenney’s war room unveils new, one-of-a-kind logo

EDMONTON – After being caught plagiarizing a US tech company’s logo for his government’s Canadian Energy Centre, Alberta Premier Jason Kenney has unveiled a new, unique logo. “It’s called t…

J. K. Rowling announces that Hermione is a TERF

EDINBURGH – In the latest of a slew of Harry Potter retconning, J. K. Rowling recently tweeted that the beloved know-it-all Hermione Granger is a trans-exclusionary radical feminist who is …

Phone companies required to block scams except scams by phone companies called ‘deals’

TORONTO – Canada’s telecommunication providers are now required to have systems that prevent scammers from contacting and fleecing their clients unless it’s done by the phone company. Accor…

5 Office Secret Santa Gifts That Are Just A Twenty Dollar Bill

Christmas is a time to let the people in your life know you care through time honoured traditions the most significant of which is agreeing to an office secret Santa gift exchange, realizing you …

House votes to give Senate a good laugh

WASHINGTON — In a move widely believed to be inspired by the good-natured cheer of the holiday season, the House of Representatives voted yesterday to give the Senate a good ol’ chuckle by …

Justin Trudeau orders Santa Claus to avoid Saskatchewan and Alberta

OTTAWA – Still angry over the election results and their threats to separate, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has ordered Santa Claus not to drop off any presents to families living in Saskat…

Weather Alert: Canadians expected to receive up to 8 trivial office conversations about snow

TORONTO – The national weather advisory released a statement today warning Canadians to expect up to 8 pointless office conversations on how much snow had fallen. “I don’t know what the fuc…