Ever read about a historical figure and think, gee, what did they actually look like? Well, scientists have gotten to work on creating accurate reconstructions of what some historical figures looked l...
Democrats respond to Trump’s plans to destroy postal service by sending him strongly worded letter he will never receive
WASHINGTON, DC – House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer have responded to President Donald Trump’s explicit threat to the US postal service by writing him a scathing...
550 Toronto men tell wives they are getting COVID tests “for no particular reason”
TORONTO – Following a Toronto Public Health advisory stating that an employee at the Brass Rail strip club tested positive for COVID-19, 550 men have informed their wives that they have been thi...
Local man jonesing for raw thrill of touching fruit he’s not going to buy
OTTAWA – After almost half a year of self-isolating, social distancing, and mask-wearing, Ottawa local Grant Thompson confessed that the thing he misses most from his life before Covid was the all-con...
“I’m a regular,” brags intimacy-starved woman at COVID nasal swab site
TORONTO – Marsha King, a 30-year-old single woman who has been without real human contact for over five months due to the pandemic, was recently overheard proudly declaring that she had obtained “regu...
Scheer remembers he lost the election
OTTAWA, ON – This week in the House of Commons Andrew Scheer rose to question Prime Minister Trudeau, however eyewitnesses report that he instead muttered “Oh God, I just remembered I lost the e...
Bloc leader vows to trigger, lose election
MONTREAL – This Wednesday, Bloc Québécois Leader Yves-François Blanchet has threatened to force a federal election in the fall, an election that he promises to lose. Blanchet’s remark comes amid...
Petite woman excited to flaunt child-sized mask
MISSISSAUGA, ON- 5’1” woman Alexandra Vega cannot be more eager to tell the world that she yet again is not like other girls, because adult-sized masks are too large for her perfectly small and femini...
Drake caught sneaking into Raptors’ bubble again
ORLANDO – International recording superstar and desperate Raptors fanboy Drake was once again caught trying to sneak into the Raptors’ quarantine zone in Disney World. “Come on, I...
Editorial: Fine I’ll wear a mask but I want people to see my new nose job
Editorial by Tiffany Renaldo I finally got the nose that I have dreamt about, but no one has even seen it because of these damn masks! Normally in March my Daddy sends me on a trip to Barbados, but th...
