Jason Kenney calls Alberta’s bountiful harvest a ‘godsend,’ oddly cagey about which god
EDMONTON – Jason Kenney has been celebrating the bumper harvest Alberta is expecting to bring in this year, but has been reticent to name which deity he holds responsible for this agricultu…
Bankrupt Trump kicked out of Walter Reed after health insurance declined
WASHINGTON – US President Donald Trump has been kicked out of the Walter Reed Medical Centre after his Presidential Health Insurance Plan was denied. “Sir, you can not pay for this assessme…
Ford encourages families to spend Thanksgiving together by getting jobs at same indoor restaurant
QUEEN’S PARK – As the Province introduces new restrictions on social contact in response to COVID-19, Premier Doug Ford has assured families they can absolutely still spend Thanksgiving tog…
Trudeau mobilizes troops to border in response to Rick Moranis attack
OTTAWA – Following the news that Canadian national treasure Rick Moranis was assaulted in New York City, Prime Minister Trudeau has ordered the full Canadian Armed Forces to amass on the US…
Fuming Donald Trump tells Putin vaccine didn’t work
WASHINGTON – After testing positive for COVID-19, an irate U.S. President Donald Trump called Russian President Vladimir Putin on Friday morning to tell him that the Russian-made vaccine he was g…
Global security threat infects global security threat
WASHINGTON – A dangerous threat to global stability and human health announced he has contracted a dangerous threat to global stability and human health. The deadly pair have ruined nationa…
Shredder refuses to denounce Foot Clan
NEW YORK CITY – After telling the Foot Clan to, “stand by”, prominent New York businessman and armoured, ninja guy, Shredder, is under heavy fire for his refusal to denounce the group. “I d…
Saskatchewan judge sentences another drunk driver to run for provincial office
REGINA – As a part of his sentencing, another Saskatchewan man will serve as a candidate in the upcoming provincial election. Jake Brown, a 43-year-old clerk from Yorkton, will now be the S…
Experts say new limits on social gatherings a great way to exclude that loser Greg
TORONTO – In response to the spike of Covid 19 cases across much of the nation, provinces are introducing new, stricter limits on the amount of people who are allowed to meet, which many ex…
5 ways to suggest an open marriage that all end in divorce
Though you may not have signed up for an open marriage when you said “I do,” that doesn’t mean you and your spouse can’t rewrite the rules mid-game! Here are five subtle ways to casually bring up…
