Health Canada announces doctors no longer allowed to prescribe ‘Good Lovin’
OTTAWA – Health Canada has put an end to the common practice by family doctors of prescribing ‘good lovin’ as a cure for a number of illnesses, particularly those accompanied by a fever. He…
Digital Thanksgiving: Shortcuts to muting the anti-mask rants of your relatives
Are you tired of hearing about your uncle’s ‘Plandemic’ opinions or how governments are infringing on your aunt’s right to infect other people at the grocery store? Fortunately, digital Thanksgiv…
Trump holds another White House event to infect everyone he missed at last one
WASHINGTON – The White House has announced that President Donald Trump will be hosting an event on the South Lawn on Saturday, exactly two weeks after a dozen people were infected at Amy Ba…
Guy Fieri and 4 other guys who aren’t nearly as awful as they look
These days it appears that most men are trash. As a trashy man, I can confirm. However, once in a while, a man emerges that seems to dress and probably smell bad, but turns out to be way better t…
Local man schedules his authoritarianism anxiety around his pandemic anxiety
RED DEER, MB – Local man Marcus Strohn has reported creating an efficient schedule that balances his anxiety over the worldwide COVID-19 pandemic with his anxiety over the creeping global m…
Kindergartener hoarding crayons to make great landlord one day
TORONTO – Little Braydon Humphries, 4, a precocious kindergartener with a penchant for taking all the crayons for himself has already been pegged by his teacher as someone who will definite…
Woman’s entire personality is IBS
LETHBRIDGE, AB – Friends and family of local woman Ayesha Perera have reported that they are concerned that her personality now consists entirely of speaking about her irritable bowel syndr…
Trump demands release of Michigan terrorists so they can vote for him
WASHINGTON – US President Donald Trump is demanding the release of 13 members of a terrorist militia that plotted to kidnap Michigan’s Governor calling their arrest an act of voter suppress…
Facebook adds new relationship option: “We’re fucking because they’re in my bubble”
Surrey, BC – Facebook has released a new relationship option for users who are fucking because they’re in each other’s bubbles. “It’s great,” said Mark Sanchez, who’s been sleeping with his…
Mom’s anecdote of running into Barb transformed into twelve volume saga
KITCHENER, ON – In a developing story, local mom and master orator Ruth Baxter, 57, has miraculously transformed her anecdote of running into Barb, a woman her family has only a passing fam…
