MEDICINE HAT, AB – A vague Google Calendar invite has left Emily Kidd worried that her family has either suffered a horrible tragedy or, even worse, wants to spend the whole evening playing Scrabble.
“I know Uncle James loves to speed on icy roads to show off how ‘Fast and Furious’ he is,” Emily said. “But Mom’s definitely been brushing up on her vocabulary too. You don’t drop ‘Quixotry’ in casual conversation unless you’ve been studying your Scrabble dictionary.”
The meeting, which takes place just two hours from now, is described as “mandatory” and “very important!” No one in the Kidd family is certain whether this is meant to underscore the seriousness of the situation, or if Mom is ironically commenting on the recent lack of family activities.
“I texted Mom to ask what was going on,” Emily’s brother Craig said. “But all she said was ‘Please be home on time, we need to talk about LIFE.’ I have no idea if she means the game or not. And there’s an emoji of a giraffe wearing a monocle, I think she picked the wrong one.”
“I hope I can at least talk everyone into Settlers of Catan, or that this is about that racist aunt none of us like,” Craig added. “Fuck, I hope it’s not Clue or news that my cousin Alan’s been making bathtub vodka again. Between Mom accidentally lying about her cards and Dad using his ‘detective accent’ all night it’s enough to make me wish I’m the one with ‘potato blindness.’”
At press time, Emily Kidd was brushing up on two letter words while scanning the news for skydiving accidents.