Report: Praying Mantises not as good at Kung Fu as legends claim
TORONTO, ON – A new study from the University of Toronto’s Centre for Martial Arts Research is suggesting that the long-held belief that mantis style kung fu was learned from watching actua…
“My, how you’ve grown,” report nation’s wolves-in-grandma’s clothes
OTTAWA – Across Canada, thousands of wolves-in-grandma’s clothes expressed delight at how much their “grandchildren” have grown since the last time they’ve seen them. “Uh why are my ears so…
Nation’s Victorian great uncles announce plans to marry their wards
YORK — In a joint statement to the press, a consortium of Victorian-era great uncles this week made public their intentions to marry the rich, orphaned heiresses under their legal guardianship. “…
Rudolph dies in freak reindeer games accident
BELLEVILLE, ON – Belleville Police have reported that Rudolph the Reindeer (recognizable from his trademark glowing red nose) has been found dead in the parking lot of a local Wal-Mart. Pol…
Deadbeat dad behind in health care system payments
TORONTO – A negligent father of over 14 million citizens is still behind in health care system payments. The unprepared political parent only started to reappear in the family picture when …
Precocious orphan affects English accent in desperate bid for “s’more”
LONDON, ON – Having pursued multiple avenues to acquire additional portions of food, local orphan Gordon Durnin has adopted an English accent in an audacious attempt to get “s’more.” “S’mor…
Here are all the butts we found in the National Gallery of Canada
For your convenience and artistic taste, we bring you a tour of all the bare asses we found from the National Gallery of Canada in Ottawa. Butt In The Reflection. Ass Near Faun. Frolicking Derriè…
Study reveals that dogs in fact bork and do not bark
VANCOUVER, B.C – An extensive 38 year study conducted by the University of British Columbia into domesticated dogs species has revealed that every dog in the world actually doesn’t bark, bu…
Dr. Oetker has medical licence revoked
BERLIN – The German Medical Association has announced the immediate and unanimous revocation of the license to practice medicine of Dr. Oetker. “This has been many years coming. We find it shocki…
Dad insistent he won’t use gift he specifically asked for, that you should return it and get something for yourself
REGINA – It was a Rockwell-esque scene Friday morning as Edgar Nyfors surrounded by his family, carefully unwrapped the sole present under the tree with his name. Inside, a Craftsman V20 co…
