Number of coffee table books exceeds number of coffee tables
VICTORIA, BC – A local woman experienced a decorative emergency this week when her collection of coffee table books exceeded her number of coffee tables. Wendy Miller, 39, realized the emergency …
Dunderheaded ant taking inefficient route to crumb
CALGARY – Reports from the Calloway household indicate that a local ant is taking a pointlessly circuitous route to a tasty chocolate chip cookie crumb. “He rounded the knife block twice, and the…
Seasonal temperature shifts create pleasing sounds from house built entirely out of accordions
CHARLOTTETOWN — While many Prince Edward Islanders mark the arrival of Fall by noticing the changing colours of the leaves, Daryl McClintock listens for the soothing sonic effects of temperature …
Fiddler can’t afford roof
ST. JOHN’S, NL – The Canadian housing crisis reached new heights this week with a renowned fiddler unable to afford a roof. Viola Green, 35, a prolific fiddle player who has toured with maj…
Handy changes for the new year: Boxing and Fisting to trade names
SAN JUAN, PR – The World Boxing Organization (WBO) and the International Fisting Association (IFA) have agreed to an exchange of names for their respective activities as of Jan 1, 2025. Sta…
Hawk poo-ah! 5 dangerous bones to find in your pet bird’s regurgitated pellets
Bird owners, beware! Ornithologists have identified 5 new bones that, if found in a bird of prey’s regurgitated pellets, could call for an urgent trip to the Bird E.R. Watch out for your bird cho…
Pizza Pizza gives man diarrhea diarrhea
TORONTO – Local jeweler Jason Jackson has eaten a bad Pizza Pizza pizza, according to cub cuisine columnist Ms. Chris Swiss. “I work all the time, and then I had to work overtime, so I just want…
Corrupt Federal Body Inspector busted
OTTAWA – Officials from the Federal Body Inspection agency have announced that Special Agent Bradley Carmichael has been stripped of his rank and discharged after being enmeshed in a corruption s…
Hawk two-ah! Meet Sam, the peregrine falcon who can count to two
MONCTON – New Brunswick finally has a resident who has mastered the art of counting to two – presumably without using their wings. When Sam, a two-year-old peregrine falcon, was rescu…
