Cackling publisher translates all of book except title
A SECRET SUBTERRANEAN LAIR IN AN UNSPECIFIED PENGUIN RANDOM HOUSE OFFICE ― Stifling maniacal shouts of dastardly glee and stroking a white cat on his lap, editor Iago Heep sent the final copy to …
Mark Carney asks climate to stop changing until Alberta quits bugging him
“Just give us a few years and I’m sure Albertans will calm down.” (Clare Blackwood and Ian MacIntyre) talk about Danielle Smith getting not one but two pipelines, Carney saying …
U.S. “We demand Canada stop this alcohol boycott that isn’t working and also we don’t even care”
WASHINGTON D.C. – U.S. lawmakers are demanding several Canada provinces not only stock their spirits again, but also formally acknowledge that the anti-tariff boycott wasn’t working a…
Graham Platner suspends senate campaign after running out of red flags
SULLIVAN, MAINE – U.S. Senate candidate Graham Platner has announced that he is suspending his campaign after running out of glaring warning signs that he is unfit for public office. “…
PlayStation customers announce removal of physical bodies from stores
NEW YORK – PlayStation customers are facing backlash after announcing their decision to stop physically appearing to purchase Sony products. “Our customers really screwed the pooch on this …
Blurred Zoom background fails to conceal that coworker is in jail
TORONTO – Employees at a local software firm were surprised yesterday when one of their colleagues attempted to use Zoom’s “blur my background” feature to hide the fact he is currently inca…
Poilievre vows to “fight woke culture” following new galactic disco cowboy makeover
CALGARY – Addressing a rally of Conservative voters at the Calgary Stampede, Opposition Leader Pierre Poilievre has vowed to “reinstill a warrior culture, not a woke culture”, t…
Trump declares 100% tariff on waffles
WASHINGTON D.C. – With Belgium defeating the United States team 4-1 to knock them out of the World Cup, U.S. President Trump has declared a 100% tariff on all waffle imports. “This de…
Male Loneliness Crisis temporarily solved by World Cup
NORTH AMERICA – The much-discussed epidemic of male loneliness has reportedly been resolved, for just the duration of the 2026 FIFA World Cup. Across North America, the feelings of widespre…
Nova Scotia to rebrand as “Newer Brunswick”
HALIFAX – In a surprise move, the province of Nova Scotia has announced that it will be undergoing a complete rebranding and officially changing its name to “Newer Brunswick” as early as ne…
