Kevin O’Leary petitions Trump to have name added to Epstein Files
TORONTO – With newly released files from notorious sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein implicating President Trump in a world of elite, amoral power players, Canadian businessman Kevin O’L…
Carney orders staffers to bow before speaking to him
OTTAWA – The Prime Minister’s Office has issued a directive that all staffers and civil servants must bow before speaking to Prime Minister Carney. “Upon entering a room in whic…
Vancouver wins “Least Worst Public Transit” award ninth year in a row
NEW WESTMINSTER, B.C. – For the ninth year in a row, celebrations were held at TransLink headquarters after Metro Vancouver won the “Least Worst Public Transit” award from the International…
Modern Mother Teresa? This woman donated to Wikipedia
PICKERING, ON – Budding philanthropist Krista Murphy inspired onlookers last week when she responded to Wikipedia’s call for donation not with apathy, but with a one-time contribution…
Nestlé worried AI will destroy world’s water supply before they do
VEVEY, SWITZERLAND – Nestlé executives gathered from around the world to announce their grave concern regarding the impact that artificial intelligence’s water consumption will have on thei…
Trump accuses all 342 million Americans of also being in Epstein Files
WASHINGTON D.C. – With the release of thousands of emails from notorious sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein implicating President Donald Trump, the POTUS is deflecting by boldly alleging that e…
Simon Fraser University renamed to “Students Failed to get into UBC”
BURNABY, B.C. – After much deliberation, Simon Fraser University President Joy Johnson announced that the university has renamed itself to “Students Failed to get into the University of Bri…
The Beaverton will tell Doug Ford a tunnel under the 401 is the dumbest idea of all time for just 8.5 million
“We’re willing to negotiate down to 8.2.” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre and Nile Seguin) delight in the chaos consuming the Conservative Party, wonder why the Democrats are …
“Trump is a pedophile” email raises questions about whether Trump is a pedophile
WASHINGTON, D.C. – With many of Jeffrey Epstein’s documents and emails now available to the public, subtle messages from the disgraced financier like “Donald Trump is a sex criminal I have done s…
Long awaited sex bots arrive, immediately self destruct rather than deal with men
LAS VEGAS – A massive fire destroyed the RealGirlz Headquarters in Las Vegas, Nevada on Friday morning which CEO and founder Jeff Morrow called a “deliberate act of arson.” Morrow, who firs…
