Health Canada announces end of gay blood ban with celebratory suck and fuck fest

OTTAWA, ON – The ban on blood donations from men who have had sex with other men within the last three months has been lifted, as was announced earlier today by an oiled-up twink wearing on…

Florida introduces ‘Don’t Say Science’ Bill

TALLAHASSEE, FL – Governor Ron DeSantis of Florida is now the highest ranking state politician to voice his endorsement of Bill 467 – the ‘Don’t Say Science’ bill. “I couldn’t be prouder of our l…

Opinion: I don’t think you should have rights, but that’s no reason to be mean to me

Jasper, TX – Back in my day, we could talk politics in an objective and fair way. As far as I know, there hasn’t been any kind of civil unrest or movement in the last 50 years in this count…

5 biggest changes Elon Musk will make to twitter

World’s richest edgelord Elon Musk has reached a deal to buy twitter. While the deal still needs shareholder approval, it is likely to go through. Here are the 5 biggest changes Musk will m…

Website you use to drunkenly order pizza requires stronger password than website you use to control all your money

Moncton, NB – Local man Dave Hollings was confused and a little concerned to discover that the password he uses to access a website where literally every dollar he has can be transferred aw…

Breaking: Anti-mandate protesters actually like, OBSESSED with mandates

OTTAWA – With mask and vaccine mandates being lifted nationwide, anti-mandate protesters like Chad McCarthy of Red Deer, Alberta, are starting to realize despite their outward hatred, deep …

Conservative Leadership Candidate Profile: Patrick Brown

Background: Patrick Walter Brown is a career politician who has served as an MP, MPP, Mayor of Brampton, and unofficial bartender at numerous Barrie bars. He is known to be a moderate Conservativ…

Owner walking large dog off leash on sidewalk really fucking cool

TORONTO – Local Cabbagetown resident Francine Dumont walks her 100 lbs Bullmastiff off leash because she’s really fucking cool. “Don’t worry, Max is super friendly!” called Dumont after a y…

Little free library just dumping ground for self-help books that failed to save marriages

CALGARY – A local woman perusing her community’s little free library is disappointed that she can only find weathered self-help books that couldn’t get the job done. “I was hoping to discover a c…

Twitter bursts into flames and rams pedestrians immediately after Musk buy

SAN FRANCISCO – After Tesla CEO and richest man alive Elon Musk’s bid to buy controlling shares of Twitter succeeded, the app subsequently burst into flames and began ramming nearby pedestr…