LONDON — In the wake of discussions about how the popular fantasy saga Game of Thrones can maintain profitability as more and more viewers choose to illegally download rather than pay to view the…
Court upholds ban on doctor-assisted regicide
OTTAWA – In what is being called a landmark case, the Supreme court of Canada has ruled doctor-assisted regicide unlawful, a decision that could have far-reaching implications for ongoing p…
Lars von Trier offended by critics describing his work as ‘a movie’
LONDON – During a press junket on Monday director Lars von Trier expressed anger and annoyance in response to critics referring to his latest work with belittling words like “movie,” “film,…
Unbelievably cool 19-year-old names pet kitten Kerouac
TORONTO – Sources close to thoughtful, highly literate, yet whimsical 19-year-old Kyle Wendcott alerted press yesterday that in a characteristically tasteful move, he has named his new pet …
Report: oh fuck, the patio furniture!
ETOBICOKE, ON – Yesterday, scientists reported that oh my God, the patio furniture has just been sitting out there all winter, and dammit, it’s probably at least half ruined. Reached for co…
Man frantically enjoying Woody Allen movies while he still can
LETHBRIDGE, AB – Refusing all social invitations and ordering in his meals, local resident Bill Grenley, 32, is reportedly savouring the last few precious moments he has to fully enjoy Wood…
5 perfect holiday tips to make your Christmas ornaments come to life when you leave the room
By Mariah von Birdspell Host of HGTV’s “Transcendental DIY” Like a secret recipe for eggnog or a favourite carol, plenty of us have cherished family traditions for “Zeigvitus,” or the practice o…
Yahoo Mail users confused by revamped features, email in general
WORLDWIDE – Despite the release of numerous online tutorials and step-by step instructions, Yahoo mail users worldwide report extreme confusion around the upgraded design of the email servi…
Wine bar’s “No Dogs” sentiment extremely mutual, say dogs
WHITBY – A small crowd of local dogs gathered on leashes outside of Aule Wine Bar confirmed that the artfully stenciled sign reading “Nee Canes,” which prevents them from enjoying the estab…
Homeless man probably fine
TORONTO – After brief but careful analyses of the clothing, grooming, and language ability of an elderly homeless man who spends hours each day repeatedly walking between the Annex and Park…
