Napanee, ON —Despite a concerted attempt to summon helpful memories, and numerous prompting questions from family and friends, local mom Diane Peters is unable to recall the title, artist or era …
Sisterhood fail: This woman suggested Sarah Huckabee Sanders is morally responsible for her actions
If the past few years have taught us anything, it’s that there is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women. Sadly, that is exactly what happened Saturday night when, at the Wh…
Westworld Season 2 Spoilers: The Park is just the Man in Black’s finished basement
As Season 2 of Westworld premiers, here are a few choice spoilers the Beaverton has obtained: 1) The Park is just the Man in Black’s Finished basement You’ll notice in Season 1, lots of questions…
Health Canada suggests limiting alcohol to 2 drinks per day unless you’ve already had 3 in which case fuck it
OTTAWA—Health Canada has released new guidelines emphasizing the importance of consuming no more than 2 alcoholic units per day, but only if you haven’t had more than that, because if you have, t…
Local woman flattered coworker chose her office to cry in
VANCOUVER—Local claims adjuster Laura Filberg is reportedly feeling a mix of gratitude and pride after, following what appeared to be a brief moment of deliberation, her colleague selected her of…
25-year-old coworker can’t believe you’re 30
MILTON – Sources have confirmed that despite your numerous assurances and even a brief viewing of your driver’s license, Lisa Eaton, your 25-year-old coworker, cannot believe you are 30. “A…
QUIZ: are you a regular lady with a cold sore, or an 18th century harlot dying of the French Pox?
It’s a quandary most of us have had at one point or another. You wake up in the morning, and feel a tingly feeling on your lip. By the time you go to bed, a pustule has started to form. You tell …
Local man judged old enough for parents’ friends to swear around
EDMONTON—Local man Tim Creyer, 27, has reportedly been judged by his parents’ friends to have reached an age old enough for him to hear and participate in conversations using adult language “I wa…
Inspiring! This woman kept a food journal of everything she ate except half of it
Fitness goals! Local woman Isabel Johnson has given us all a little bit of motivation with her commitment to forming better habits. Her approach? Keeping a detailed journal of at least 50% of all…
Louis C.K. scandal only thing keeping local man from jerking off at work right this very second
PETERBOROUGH–Reports have confirmed that the recent scandal around beloved comedian Louis C.K.’s behavior is the one and only thing keeping local man Rick Ergin from rubbing one out at work…
